Cigarette Smoke // FILLIE

Moving On

f i n n

       The weekend goes on. A few band practices here, a party there, and two packs worth of cigarettes, or 'cancer sticks' as she liked to call them, and before I know it the times rolls around to five pm on Sunday night.

Notice how I used past tense- liked? Yeah.. it was a weekend without her. Not that I even tried to make her keep her end of the deal.

Less questions this way, less stress of her possible hatred of me in the end, but still.. less worth to life all the same.

I had noticed her walking along a sidewalk, with who she explained was her 'lab partner' on Friday, on my way to Ayla's house.

I swear there was something about the way the guy stared at Millie, as if he was undressing her with his eyes as she laughed at some joke that I'm sure he said.

Jack had asked me about her- if we had fucked and if so was she good in bed, if I had kissed her, if she dumped me because I smoked- all of which led to me punching him straight across the jaw without any warning.

I told him to stop speaking of her as if she was a special experiment he wanted to read about and learn some respect. From the way his lip bled onto his hand and smirk fell, I could tell he got the message.

And now?

Well, now I sit in my bedroom doing absolutely nothing except leaning on my window sill and blowing out clouds of smoke into the open air that drafts through the window, all while thinking of her. It's always her.

I can't say I regret making the deal, not for a second. Because even though our time lasted merely a week, it was still the greatest week of my life. Good thing it'll end soon.

I know I will be okay. Key word: will. I've always ended up fine after losing someone, how could this be any different?

I mean, at first it always hurts and you tend to miss them more than you'd like, but eventually the thought of them lessens into a faded memory of what once you had. Only fuzziness of felt emotions will remain.

Until then, I plan to drown my thoughts in liquor and cigarette smoke. Not so bad, huh?

-+-

m i l l i e

The weekend flew by- especially when it was accompanied by a my two best friends and a boy by the name of Jacob Sartorius. Even the name sounds adorably cute. Just like him.

I notice a boy stand at his locker, his face covered by the locker door and only a white t-shirt to cover his pale-r skin. I let my eyes trail to his dark mess of hair.

My smile falters slightly at the familiarity of the wild, dark, and insanely seducing curls that tangle themselves like they tangle my fingers.  

His freckled sculpture of a face emerges from behind the locker door. His unforgettable brown eyes locking with mine as his expression stays a cold, blank canvas.

I find myself swallowing at the sight as he passes me. His orbs lingering until he's fully past me as we walk opposite ways down the long yet wide hallways of Fawkins High.

"Miller! Hey, wait up!"

My thoughts drift away as he calls for me using his personal nickname for me, the same boy I was secretly waiting to see since this morning.