Cigarette Smoke // FILLIE

Mind-Blowing

m i l l i e

       "How long were you standing there?" I ask skeptically, ignoring his slight confession to loving me.

He shrugs lazily, walking away from the staircase as he comes to join us on the bean bag fort-type-thing.

"Let's just say, I think you and I have very different outlooks on love, yeah?" Finn insists through a snicker, gesturing his hand between us.

"Yeah? And what do you think being in love is like?" I retort sharply, pushing his chest slightly as I raise my brows impatiently.

"Why should I tell you, Brit?" He remarks defensively, his expression calm and voice lazy.

I raise a skeptic eyebrow at his question, watching as he rolls his eyes slightly when he notices my suspicious expression.

"Fine- um, I guess it's like if you had all the horrible things in life: stress, hurt, anxiety, pain, all of it. You have all this bullshit building up in a room, like a hoarder. And then suddenly this person is begging to go in the room, so much that it almost drives you mad." Finn rambles, leaning on his elbows as he talks to the three of us, moving his hands slightly as he talks.

"And hell, it's embarrassing to have all that shit built up, and it's not like you want to go in there and clean it out; it causes way too much stress and anxiety to even think about cleaning it out. So you don't let them in, you can't, it's way too hard to let them see all that shit. And there's so fucking much." He continues, describing this analogy with such detail that I can picture it in my mind with such ease it's as if he's drawing a scene with every word.

"To make them stop nagging you push them away, you yell at them to just stop, leave it alone. But there comes a day where their nagging is just unbearable, so you let them go in. You're scared of what they'll think, obviously. It's a hoarder room, how could you not be?" Finn questions rhetorically, but Maddie and Ayla nod regardless, following the story with interest practically shining from their eyes.

"And suddenly, they go in and start going through everything- asking you why you kept certain things, why you wish you'd thrown some of it out, it's strange. When you tell them how much you wished you threw something out, they say it's worth the world."

He smiles for a moment before letting it falter back to his calm expression as he runs a hand through his curls.

"They help you go through every single thing, never skipping over even the tiniest thing they find. They do this until you realize where everything belongs in your home, and just how perfectly they fit there." He explains as if he was living inside the picture he was painting aloud.

"Any everything you didn't need? They take it without even batting an eye, telling you they'll take it all for you anytime they can. But they don't do this just that once, it's every time they come to see you. And honestly, that's absolutely mind-blowing, isn't it?" Finn finishes, letting out a soft laugh-like breath as the two girls across from us stare in awe.

"How in the world did you come up with that?" I ask aloud, not meaning for my thoughts to spill out so suddenly after his long explanation.

Finn shrugs, "It's not so much 'making it up' as it is putting feelings into logical words, now is it?"

I hum in response, "So you're saying I'm the person in that situation? The 'they'?" I question curiously.

"I would assume so, Brit." He answers simply, gazing up at me with a glimmer shining in his dark eyes.

I can't help but smile at the thought of me being that role for him, that person that can give him peace every time I'm with him.

He deserves it, I just never thought I'd be the one who'd be able to give it to him.