Cigarette Smoke // FILLIE

Done

m i l l i e

"W-What?" His voice staggers out carefully yet shakily, almost as if his stomach dropped just as mine had.

I nod as if to say 'my point exactly' before explaining further, sniffing away whatever tears have already escaped my eyes.

"He's been keeping it a secret because he thought he wouldn't talk to me after the deal, but obviously that didn't happen." I mention with a scoff, rolling my eyes in defeat as the puffiness and running of my nose forces me to grab a tissue from my desk and blow my nose.

All the while Noah sits frozen in my desk chair, as if the news is still settling and being processed through his entire being with every breath he takes.

Seeing that he doesn't have any response, I go on to answer one of the questions from before instead.

"But um- anyway, I left school after I stormed out. I don't know if Jack triggered it somehow but whatever it was it kinda set off a bunch of other things I've just been keeping to myself." I confess simply, attempting to push all of my worries under the rug in hopes that- knowing Noah and his caring attitude- I won't have to talk about it.

But before I can even cross my fingers at this happening, his voice interrupts from his trance.

"Like what?"

There's no point in hiding now.

"Well, I don't know, like now that I'm with Finn and I don't plan on leaving him anytime soon.. maybe I should start thinking about how cigarettes could affect him?" I explain as my mind reminisces to the few hours ago where I wasn't freaking out because my boyfriend has cancer.

Too late now I guess.

"But it already has, Mills." Noah says matter-of-factly as if it hadn't caused me two melt downs already.

"I know that now. I was getting worried about having to go through what happened to my dad with Finn and I decided right then that I'd break up with him before that ever could happen. It seems I'm too late, though. I can't imagine how he must be taking this, though." I state carefully as I sense a boulder forming in the pit of my throat, practically ripping out my vocal chords in the process.

I notice the brown-haired boy shift uncomfortably in his seat, "So wait- you broke up with him?"

My eyes instantly narrow and eyebrows furrow at the totally unrelated question my childhood best friend decided to simply blurt out.

"What? No, no we're still together just- I don't know, everything's kinda fuzzy right now." I reply quickly, letting myself still show my confusion without lashing out.

Taking in a deep breath after a moment of that settling, Noah widens his eyes for a quick second as if to show that it's fully processed in his mind.

"Well shit. That's.. that's a lot." He mutters, making me let out a smile-less breath that reminds me of the way Finn would humorously scoffs at something I say.

With that peaceful image in mind, I let out a soft, "Yeah."

"Are you going to be okay?" Noah asks caringly, knowing how bad I took the news of my father's diagnosis or when he told me the news.

Staring down at my hands, I carefully shake my head at the thought of that scoffing boy lying in a hospital bed with his fake drained of its rockstar color.

God- please don't do this to Finn.

The imagery in my mind is enough to turn in the waterworks as the tears, that were already welling in my eyes and crushing my throat from the inside out, suddenly begin streaming down my cheeks in a familiar pattern.