precious ↠ e.d

thirteen - moving on

"there we have it. it's booked!"

amelia and i glance at each other, and her red painted lips curl into a smile. "it's going to be so much, allie. trust me!"

i bow my head in attempt to hide eye contact with ethan, but he's repeatedly bouncing his foot up and down as he sighs to pay.

the three of us leave the travel agency, and ethan reaches into his pocket where he pulls out a packet of cigarettes and lights one between his teeth. "i'll be in the car."

amelia nods at his words, and we watch him walk away without looking back. amelia frowns and reaches for my hand. "i'm sorry he's been such a douche to you. i'll have a talk with him."

i shake my head, "no, no it's fine. i understand."

amelia sighs, "he doesn't really like to open up, but i'll try to get him to. maybe you should talk to him? you guys are old high school friends. right?"

i chuckle painfully. "yeah, but we aren't that close. i think what he'd appreciate is some space, especially from me."

amelia jumps when she hears that he's honked the horn, we turn our heads and see that he hasn't left the car but he's rushing amelia away from me. she holds her hand to stop him and turns to me. "don't worry, allie. this trip will be awesome. i better go now, let's stay in touch."

she runs off and jumps into ethan's passengers seat. the car speeds off and i'm left all alone. i feel tears threaten to fall, but i hold it together. ethan was mad at me and had every right to be, i ruined us.

i turn around and head towards my car, i start the ignition but i can't help it. sobs slip out of my mouth and my tears are falling onto my lap, i start hitting the steering wheel in front of me. cursing out loud as i cry.

i grab my phone from the dashboard and scroll through my contacts, my thumb hesitantly hovers above his name, and i'm contemplating on what the fuck to do.

i raise the phone to my ear, and shut my eyes. listening to it ring, i wait and cross my fingers.

"hello?" he asks.

"ethan?"

"what do you want?" he asks, coldly.

"i'm sorry, okay?" i cry, "ethan please. i know i messed up, i know i keep pushing you away but i need you. i'm sorry!"

the line is silent and i'm starting to think he hung up. i bury my head in my hands when i hear him sigh.

"i'm not going to play this game with you, allie. i've had enough. i was doing just fine before you came back into my life. i accepted the fact you weren't here, i accepted the fact that i had to move on and i have. i love you allie, i'm so madly in love with you. but things are different now, and you can't call me again." he says.

"what game? i love you ethan. you came back into my life as a surprise as well. i never thought i was going to see you again. i was dealing with things and we connected at such a bad time." i exclaim.

ethan grunts. "every time we connect is a bad time, you're always running away from me. from what we have. i've moved on, allie. and so should you, what we have is unhealthy, and i'm not going to let you rip me apart anymore. i have to go."

the line ends, and i shakily remove the phone from my ear. he really doesn't want me anymore. he actually does have feelings for amelia. everything is crumbling into pieces right in front of me.

but if he's moved on, he's right.

so should i.

and that's what i'm going to do.