Life Isn't Fair

22

"I don't know what came over me. I just- I saw Michonne being eaten and I broke down." I say, playing with hands and staring at my feet. "Maybe it's the concussion she had? Blood loss? Maybe depression?" Denise lists a bunch of symptoms, to which I seem to be shaking my head to. "We will figure it out." Denise concludes. And she did. Turns out I have severe depression at the loss of my family and friends, my mind is making a lapse of itself and making me see things. It's targeting the part of my brain that fears. Therefore, the hallucinations. It makes sense, with the way I've been acting, and the one part of me that is afraid I'm going to lose everybody in this group. And I don't want to. Which is why I'm acting strange. To help what I'm going through, Denise suggests thinking about happy things. Like the supplies we get from runs, the woods, Rick, the group, Maggie's baby, singing, Dallas, Simba, anything happy to distract me. So one day, out of nowhere, I start to sing. I never thought that I would ever again after my parents and sister died, but I thought wrong I guess. My voice sounds a bit harsh because of not using it and practicing, but eventually it became constant, my vocal cords finally smooth instead of raspy, and now singing is one of my favorite things to do. Putting Dallas to sleep, I start to sing a song that was one of my favorites before it all started, (above). Once I was finished and Dallas was fast asleep, probably dreaming about happy things, and go to sleep myself. When I wake up, all I can think about is giving up. So I laid there, in my bed, and stared at the ceiling thinking what I could've done to protect the people I lost. My parents, my sister, Beth, Ollie, and every other person I've lost. They all died because of me. It makes sense, Right? No, Denise said none of that if I want help. That thought forced me out of bed. I changed into something simple, just a pair of jeans and a white collared shirt with my combat boots, along with my shoulder long hair in a ponytail. I glance out of the window in hope, waiting to see one of my friends walk by. I spot Rick, and I jog downstairs and out of my door to discus a few things with him."Hey." I start the conversation with a friendly hug. "Hey you." Rick replies grabbing my shoulders. "How are you doing? Are you okay?" He has a look of concern on his face, and searches my eyes for any emotions. "Yeah I'm fine. Just going out on a jog for fresh air." I reassure him. "Alright. Stay safe. And, here. Just in case." He hands me a nice carved out hunting knife, and I gladly accept and make my way out of the gates. "Thanks Ricky." I shout towards him and he grins. On my jog I come across a bright red camping backpack. I do a quick sweep of the pack and make sure there aren't any rotten food or hurtful things. And it's only then when I realize how beautiful it actually is here. I look up and my eyes take a moment to adjust to the light. When I'm finally in focus, I can see swirls of yellow and orange shining through the dark and light green leaves on the tree branches, and it gives the effect of sunlight through window blinds on a normal Saturday morning. Which was today. Normal. I think of coffee and the gym, the schedule I had every morning before I went to work at a coffee shop. Making delicious smooth coffee broth and nice thick whipped cream on top with a swirly straw. And then after work I'd take a warm bath with coconut scented bubbles and christmas smeeling shampoo and conditioner. After I would usually blow dry my hair and run my fingers through the long locks, because before I had natural red hair that came down to my lower back. Then I would change into cute pink shorts and a purple tank top, and finally go to bed. For breakfast I'd go to Dunkin Donuts and get a few bagels to take to work with me, for lunch I'd go home and cook some mac n cheese, then for dinner I'd eat salad and other healthy stuff. I was long gone in thought because I didn't even realize that I had walked over to a patch of forest green blades of grass and sat next to a wide oak tree. After I was done reliving my old life through thought, I enjoyed the sunset and streams of soft light shinging through the leaves a bit more.  I rise and start to jog again. This is so strange. Today has been peaceful so far....I don't think the odds are in my favor if nothing has happened yet...Maybe I'm freaking out too much. I should stop being so paranoid. As I make my way along the treeline on a dirt road, I notice that everything has been beautifully calm. I'm not complaining I just think it's weird. Anyway, my feet come to an automatic stop when I see him. A guy attacking walkers and shooting them with his gun. "You might not want to shoot hot shot." I yell. I jog over and begin to stick the sharp metal blade into the walkers skulls, causing a small explosion of walmer blood to splatter on the ground, and just a little on me. "Thanks." His smile is warm like a a cup of hot chocolate. His bright teeth remind me of pearls, and his tan skin looks like it has been kissed by the sun. "Don't mention it pretty boy." I reply in a sassy confident tone. "Hey- where are you going? Do you have a community?" He asks after me. "How many walkers have you killed?" I ask. "Dozens. Can't count." He replies. "How many people?" I squint my eyes and purse my lips, then my eyes glance down to his hand, holding the gun. "2." He looks down at his gun, which I find interesting. "Why?" My final question sounds sympathetic, but still firm. "Because they were suffering and I couldn't stand it." He says and looks to the side to avoid my gaze. "I'm Skylar. Would you like to come back with me?" I ask after letting him recollect himself. "Sure. I'm Aiden. But I like to call myself Fox." I giggle at the nickname and straighten myself up. We talk on our way back to Alexandria and when we get to the gates he freezes up when he sees Daryl. "It's alright, he's one of my best friends." I say aloud so Daryl can hear me, and I expect anger but I get a small chuckle. "Hey Daryl. Can you open the gates?" I ask. "Mhm." He grunts and gestures for Eugene to pull the gigantic doors open for us. "Hey. Who's this?" Rick asks while hugging me and then giving Aiden the side eye. "You're about to find out." I reply as they close the gates behind us.