Her Highness h.s

Chapter 34(Can't be fixed)

Guys this is the previous chapter in Lilly's point of view to clear things out!

Btw, I'll update more often (like twice in a week if I get a lot of votes and comments!!) xx

Song for this chapter is;

She Will Be Loved - Maroon 5

Rihanna - Suicide

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I couldn't comprehend the words that he had admitted to me. I mean, it was what I wanted right? Knowing that he loves me, not anybody else, but me. But, Somehow I can't get myself to utter a word.

My eyes are fixed to the wall, trying to pull myself together.

"Lilly," Harry speaks, trying to receive my attention, but my body and mind don't seem to be able to respond in anyway.

I take a look at his sincere expression, trying to figure how this person choce to fall in love with me. What if I'm just using him and I just dwelled in the thought that I loved him, too. Maybe it was all in my head since I can't say it back to him. Something's holding me back, and I can't seem to find out what's that 'something.'

"Lilly," he whispers one more time, brushing his fingers on my cheek. Usually I would be swoon by his actions, but now I seem to feel nothing.

I'm scared.

What if he is lying? I mean, I've had confessions made to me from other boys. But, I didn't care about them. It didn't mean anything and I knew they just tried to get under my skin.

Maybe this is again just karma, getting back at me. Maybe he doesn't love me but tries to just get me confess, doing the impossible possible.

I used to think that love wasn't worth of my time, but looking more into it, I see that I'm not worthy of love.

Or worthy of him.

"I don't understand," I choke out," what's there to love?" It wasn't just a rhetorical question because I seriously needed answers.

Knowing that there's something about me to love, would maybe ease this situation.

He doesn't reply to me, proving my thoughts right. I knew this. I knew it all along that I would get hurt, but I enjoyed while it lasted, not worrying about the consequences.

"You really think I would be able to return your feelings?" I asked, trying to look away from him. I was on the edge of breaking down.

"You're just afraid," he raises his voice, as my eyes twich. Pinning me to the nearest wall, I feel his warm breath on my skin. Somehow even feeling a little bit him on me, makes my senses come alive.

" I won't hurt you," he promises," I'm not like others," his husky voice spins in my head. I really want to believe him, but I can't get myself to do it. It's like I'm pulled both ways, standing on the middle. The devil telling he's nothing but lies, and the angel comforting me that the truth is with him.

My inner struggle is driving me insane.

I have to tell myself the things I need to hear, I have to keep my strengh. The girl I've always knew is somewhere in me, I need to dig her out.

"I know you feel something for me, too." He states.

That's when I felt the trigger being pulled in me, losing my inner balance. Giving up to the dark side.

Blinking a few times, I let my forced laughter fill the quiet room.

"There's nothing to feel, Silly. And, I may love shopping but I'm not buying your bullshit."

"You're lying," he tries to argue with me. I know deep down that he is right, but I couldn't get myself to admit it.

"No, I'm not."

"Why are you saying these things?" As soon as the words falls from my lips, he hits the wall, making me whimper.

"I already told you," he raises his voice, and a fear rushes through me.

I've never seen him this mad.

But, maybe I need you to tell me it one more time, maybe then I could say it back.

"I fucking love you that's what it is. But, you're just so used to people not loving you that when someone actually does love you, all you do is turn them down. Isn't that little pathetic, don't you think?" His words hit my heart, like sharp draggers.

"Hurt someone because you're afraid that you'll get hurt?"

That's not what I'm trying to do. I just don't how to act in these situations,

I'm scared, Harry.

"I-" As soon as I'm about to say my thoughts out loud, he cuts me off.

"I'm not fucking done yet, you can just leave right now, and never come back, okay? Because, I'm tired of being pulled by your strings." he screams, his beautiful green eyes are turning darker, I can't even recognize them.

My eyes are giving up, letting the tears full of pain fall down. I can't speak with the big lump in my throat, even if I could, he spoke for the both us.

"What's happening here?" Gemma glues her eyes at us, rapidly blinking.

"Nothing," Harry spits, and that's when I knew that I did the right think not admitting anything. It's better end this now, when we haven't fallen too deep. We can still get up without the help of each others.

I look at him, knowing I've messed this one up, too. Everytime I'm involve in something it is soon ruined and everything I touch slowly dies.

I'm a mess, that can't be fixed. Everyone that tries to fix me, only hurts themselves on my shattered pieces.

My crying becomes louder, as I leave his room. I don't look back at all, Gemma tries to say something, but I walk past her, too. She knows that I'm not in a mood to talk.

I sniff as I'm walking in a empty path, since I can't go to my house, I just keep on walking straight, not knowing where I'll end up.

I search for my pockets, grabbing my phone. I slide the lock open, and I'm not surprised to see that my family has called me several times, but Zayn's name on the calling list is what gains my attention. What would he possibly want right now?

I call him back, after a couple rings, he finally answers.

"Lilly," he speaks.

"You called," I say almost in a whisper, evident that I've been crying.

"Yes, I did. Are you crying?" He sounds concern, if I didn't know him, I'd say he cared about me.

"No," I lie through my teeth.

He chuckles, "I'm gonna pick up, there's something I need to tell you in person."

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Which pov do you guys like better? Harry's or Lilly's? :)

Have a nice day! xx