Pain and Love Comes in Many Forms

Forty Four

I heard the front door click open and I felt my stomach sink.

"I'm home! Miss me?" Jack joked, and I couldn't feel even more guilty. I cheated on my fiancé. Granted, it got me home, but it still...

"Welcome home," I said weakly.

"Ethan?"

"Jack, we need to talk for a bit."

His face was concerned, but he sat next to me on the couch, waiting.

"Well, Dan just called me. That's something. But not what I wanted to talk about."

"What!?" He exclaimed, "did-"

"He's no longer in America. We talked for a small bit and I can tell he regrets everything. And, talking to him made me realize I need to completely come clean about my time being kidnapped  by him."

"Come clean? Was there things you didn't tell me?"

"There is. You're the most important person to me, so, I felt like shit hiding anything from you, but you were so happy seeing me home that I-" I sighed, "couldn't bring myself to talk about everything."

"What did you forget to tell me?"

"Well, I'll start out with the lightest stuff. The feeling things, feeling emotions only with me... well, it looks like it works both ways, just, not in the same way for me."

"You mean-"

I grabbed his hand, "what do you feel? Is it like fire?"

He was taken aback, "your touch is warm."

"His touch, it felt the same to me. If I had closed my eyes, I would've thought it was you."

His hand stiffened, "So, what you feel from me..."

"Well, I share emotions with you. I love you. I don't love him. But that warmth it was indeed the same."

"I..."

"There was a hidden room in the place I was kidnapped, a blind spot that no one but he knew about. When I found it, we talked there from time to time, and I'd cool off there, stop myself from crying."

"It's okay to cry," he cupped my face, and I closed my eyes, pulling my hand away, feeling everything twist inside me.

I swallowed dryly, "he kissed me."

"What!?"

"I pushed him away! But, like the warmth..."

"It felt the same?"

"Yes. And he did it again and I kept thinking, 'why am I not resisting? Why is my only problem the guilt?' And I felt so fucking terrible, and he noticed, he pulled away the second time, and realized, I felt so fucking guilty, even if I didn't do anything," I admitted.

His hands fell to his lap, soaking in the new information, not saying anything.

"We also made a deal. A deal that got me out of there, but... I wish I hadn't."

"Why's that?"

"He... I... I-" I looked at my lap, breaking any eye contact we held, "I basically cheated. I had sex with him."

He stayed silent.

"I don't know why I agreed, but, I couldn't live with the guilt. I couldn't lie to you everyday, pretending that nothing happened. He promised that was it. And he kept true to that. He let me leave, and he left, promising to leave us alone, to never come back."

Jack got up, and I held back tears.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I did such a thing. Maybe it's because I'm selfish, I don't know. I'll understand if you start to hate me. I-" I got up and sniffled, walking past him, still not looking up.

"I- I don't hate you." Jack sighed.

"You can't be happy though."

"You don't feel anything for Dan, right?"

"Of course not! He's a psychopath!"

Jack let out the tiniest sigh of relief, "then, it's okay. You wouldn't had done it under normal circumstances."

"Of course i wouldn't."

"I still love you, and I'm glad you came to talk to me."

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, you're a lot better than him."

Jack snorted, "that does make me feel a bit better."

I smiled warmly, glad that I told him. No way was even remotely easy, but, I'm glad. I walked over and hugged him, holding him tight.

"Besides, from what you said, I was still a constant for you, always on your mind."

"Of course you were. No one in the world could replace you."

His cupped my face and kissed me, and I felt a more powerful spark than before. I assume he did too, since we both kinda, pulled away from each other, flushing.

"I guess it's stronger now? Our feelings?"

"I guess so."

We stood there, looking at each other with flushed faces, the entire conversation from before melting away, leaning into each other, capturing each other's lips once more, stumbling back towards the stairs.

We were touch starved, having gone long enough without holding the other, so I clung to jack as he carried me upstairs, to our room, placing me on the bed and removing his shirt without second thought.

I let myself sink into the mattress, looking up at Jack.

Once again, we were swept up in the heat of the moment, but, I wasn't unhappy. I was ecstatic! I wanted to hold him close, because he's mine and I'm him, not because I want to confirm that he is.

He crawls over me, caging me between his limbs, and I grab his face, my thumbs brushing over the hints of a beard, his stubble just so sexily on his face. I pull his face down to me, starting a sweet and gentle kiss, moving one hand to his hair, gripping as tightly as I could and let the other slide down his neck, and chest, all the way to his belt buckle, and my fingers undid the belt and I slowly pulled it out of his jeans, tossing the useless belt to the ground.

He lets out a soft moan as I reach in his jeans, palming his hard on, and I let out a gasp of delight, which he uses to turn the tides, shoving his tongue into my mouth, gently stroking the roof of my mouth, softly sucking my tongue, and then flipping is over, forcing my hands to the bedsheets.

Everything was so much hotter than before. The touches on on skin, the heat in our shared breaths.

I wonder why that was?