Swapped- soonhoon

A/N #1

Recently, two of my cats died in two days straight. They were premature kittens. My mom and my sisters said that they would die. I tried my hardest to prove them wrong, but I couldn't.

The first kitten died over night. I don't know if he lived past a day or before. The second kitten died when I got home from school. I found his body under the lawn mower. S/he was cold and hard. He must've been dead for hours while I was at school.

Their deaths hit me hard. I kept on thinking it was my fault for not trying my best, and I still think it was mine. Not only that, but cats have been there since as long as I could remember.

When I was young, we used have a lot of cats. But they all ran away, and so did my dad. When my mom said my dad was leaving, I didn't know how to take it in. I heard the words, but I didn't know what to do.

If I'm correct, people say when a child is young and something tragic happens, they remember it. And I did. So afterwards, my sisters would tease me about how my eyes looked. One day I said something back, and I made my sister cry.

I realized what I said hurt her. I kept saying I was sorry, but, in all honesty, I wanted to here 'I forgive you' instead of 'it's ok'. Ever since that day, I've told myself to keep my anger inside. Usually, when I get really mad I cry remembering what happened.

My older sister ended up doing drugs. Her and her childhood friend smoked. I don't think they did anything dangerous except for that and use a vape.

At the time, I wasn't stable myself. However, we got male cat named Prince, and soon a female cat named Mitsy came into my life.

Mitsy and Prince would wake me up for school sometimes. (Or sometimes just to get out of the room.) Both were there, but Mitsy was there the most.

Whenever I cried, she'd get on the bed with a 'mew'. She was always there. Until, she got pregnant, and Prince ran away. She couldn't live inside anymore. I miss her being inside.

But the cats she gave birth to, most of them stayed. I was happy because they were there when my family wasn't. When I couldn't go to them out of fear they would worry and the fear of them not caring.

Even if my family is caring at times, I've never felt comfortable with them with my feelings. They may not pay attention to my mental health or physical sometimes, but they are my family and I care about them as much as I care about my cats.

Whenever a cat dies, I cry like if it were a family member. Writing helps me, especially if I have an audience like you guys. :)

Thank you for reading!💜

Date: 5/3/18
Word count: 508 words