Aphenphosmphobia » k.jw & w.yh

eight.

"Don't be afraid that your life will end. Be afraid because it will never begin again."

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18+ scenes up ahead.
( trigger warning to those who's sensitive to suicidal tendencies )

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Everything hurt, his body, his soul, his mind. Everything, and Jungwoo just wanted all of these to end. He stood in front of the mirror, his hair dripping wet as he stared at his reflection. A huge bruise had occupied the right side of his face, and the rest of his body. He stared at himself in disgust, in anger, in misery. He didn't want this anymore.

His eyes shifted to the sink, a silver blade glinting on the small light that illuminated the whole room. Jungwoo breathed, trying not to give in to the temptation, shaking his head as he looked back at his reflection, but the dark side of his mind started taking over.

"You're not supposed to be here." He spat in anger, frowning as he stared at himself, glaring at the mirror as his reflection stared back. "You're so pathetic." He said, a little bit louder this time, bringing his own esteem down. "No one cares for you."

Someone does. Hope sparked inside him, his mind flashing a memory of Yukhei smiling at him, making the heavy feeling go away. Even his friends, smiling and walking towards him, like they always did.

Unconsciously, Jungwoo started crying, his mind showing him a possible outcome of Yukhei and his friends if they found him lying lifeless on his bathroom floor. He sat on the floor, rocking himself back and forth, realizing what he was about to do, and how it would hurt his friends, Yukhei... His Noona.

Then came back the anxiety, he started questioning everything and everyone. Did Noona forget about her promise? Does Noona hate me? Did she forget about me? Or did she leave me all alone? Paranoia crept itself successfully inside Jungwoo's head.

Then suddenly, Jungwoo found himself cringing at the quick pain as the blade lacerated his skin, blood dripping onto the drain, mixing in with the water that continued to flow from the faucet.

It hurt. It stung. This wasn't something a normal teenager would do, but, Jungwoo found himself not normal. And he loathed that idea. He let go of the blade, that was now covered in the red liquid that was once inside his body.

Bringing his left wrist under the running water, he felt the immense pain, the water seeping under the cuts, as they removed more blood, that Jungwoo needed to live. The teenager looked up, staring at his damned reflection again, seeing how his lips became chapped, and how his eyes became red from the crying.

"Why can't you just go?" He asked himself, still feeling the continuous pain on his wrist. "Then maybe your Mom will be happy."

He gulped, before licking his lips, turning the faucet off, and wrapping his wrist with some bandages he found in his first aid kit. Jungwoo turned the lights off, walking out of the bathroom and walking inside his bedroom.

Sitting on his bed, he started rubbing the bandaged wounds, feeling the soft material sink into the cuts, he sighed. It had been so long since he did this, when was the last time? Oh, right, a few days before his 16th birthday. A few days before the tormenting stopped. A few days before he felt the discomfort in having people's skin against his.

Sleepiness slowly washed over him, his eyes drooping from the exhausting sobbing he did almost all day. He laid on his bed, staring at the white ceiling that had a bluish hue because of the night sky.

And when Jungwoo felt himself being pulled into dreamland, he just let the sleep take over. Maybe in dreamland he'll feel a bit happier. A bit comfortable than in real life.

Because, in his dreams, his Father, his sister, his friends and everyone else he cared for was there. Like the old lady that once gave him an umbrella when Jungwoo waited by her store, waiting for the rain to stop.

Or even that young lady who actually knocked on Jungwoo's house, greeting him on his 15th birthday, and giving him a cake. But that young lady left, moved into another house, maybe? Or out of the country, all Jungwoo remembered is that was the last time he saw her.

He wanted to be in dreamland because there, he felt loved. He didn't feel like the damned person he is right now. There, he didn't have the memories from real life, he didn't even think about things like that. It was like dreamland is his only escape, but that was not happening today.

Jungwoo's eyes opened suddenly, the sound of his Mother's voice from outside of his door waking him up immediately. The teenager looked at the window, the sun was shining bright, and Jungwoo realized he'd slept in, late for school.

Again, a kick, made Jungwoo flinch. His feet immediately touching the floor as he ran to the door, cautiously opening the door. Seeing her, standing there, with a scowl on her face.

"The fuck are you still here?" She spat, looking at Jungwoo, who kept his left wrist hidden. "Your teacher called."

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh. So better get your ass ready for school this afternoon or I'm gonna drag you there." Jungwoo just nodded, before his Mother walked away.

Jungwoo went back to his bed, laying on his back, as he placed his arm on top of his eyes, calming down. He felt tired, and sleepy, it was like he closed his eyes for one second, then the next, he was already awake. 1 more hour.

And just like that, he fell asleep again. Completely forgetting about the mental note he made, feeling too much exhaustion inside his body, and deciding to give his body a rest, Jungwoo slept for hours. Forgetting everything else.

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so yeah... sorry!

i personally had a hard time writing this...

i also cringed when jungwoo cringed.

sorry to those triggered :(

either way thanks for reading!