[Joey x Chandler] COMPILATION OF SHORT STORIES FROM AO3

Point of No Return

"I could get a Brian."

Chandler's still mumbling to himself when he shuts his apartment door behind him and kicks his shoes off. So what if he isn't gay? Brian is most definitely not out of his league. No way. Nobody's out of his league. Okay, maybe he's getting a little ambitious now. But still. He's pretty sure he's a decent guy most of the time.

He could so get a Brian.

After a quick glance around the apartment, Chandler concludes that Joey isn't home. It's way too quiet and peaceful. And that's a whole other can of worms -- Joey. Essentially every time they make eye contact, which happens a hell of a lot more than Chandler likes to admit, he has to continuously remind himself that he is in fact straight (at least he's pretty confident he is). And so is Joey. Chandler still isn't completely sure why that thought makes his gut tighten with an unpleasant feeling that he can't quite put his finger on.

But Joey isn't here right now. Thinking about him isn't even relevant. Chandler could be doing a million and one other things that don't require questioning his sexuality. Like raiding the fridge for something to eat. That seems like a fairly neutral activity.

Chandler unearths a container of Italian blend shredded cheese and a packet of sloppy joe seasoning before he decides the universe is definitely out to get him.

Eating isn't that important. He shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans and lets his mouth droop into its familiar pouty shape as he wanders towards the living room. This isn't anything a little TV can't fix. Hopefully. Watching TV turns into aimlessly channel surfing for a half hour before Chandler nods off in his chair, his head lolled back as he snores softly. And if he dreams about Joey, that's no one's business but his own.

---

It's dark when Chandler wakes up, which throws him off for a second. He blinks as his eyes adjust, and his vision focuses on the dimly-lit figure of Joey sprawled in the chair next to his. For a split second, Chandler thinks he's still dreaming.

"Hey," he says tiredly. Joey tears his gaze away from the TV screen.

"Hey, man. I've been talkin' to you for like, an hour. I was wondering why you weren't sayin' anything. Guess it's 'cause you were asleep, huh?" comes Joey's reply. He sounds infinitely more peppy than Chandler.

"Mm. I haven't quite mastered the skill of being completely conscious even while sleeping just yet." Chandler pushes himself up into a more vertical position and sighs, rubbing his hands down his face. "You think I could get a Brian, right?"

Joey blinks a couple times. A little wrinkle shows up between his eyebrows while he thinks, probably trying to figure out if maybe he'd missed something, and that's why he has no idea what the hell Chandler is talking about.

"Uh, yeah. I don't see why not," he answers finally, his voice uncertain. "What're we talkin' about?"

Chandler sighs and turns sideways in his chair, his legs hooked over the armrest. "I'm...attractive, right? I mean, like, if you were a woman, would you date me?"

Joey seems to be puzzled by that. He goes from contemplative to goofily amused faster than Chandler can even really decipher his expressions.

"How big're my tits?" he asks, holding his hands in front of his own chest to pantomime cupping a woman's breasts.

Chandler rolls his eyes. "I'm serious, Joe. Is there something fundamentally unattractive about me?"

Joey thinks for a short moment. His face takes on that squinty expression that Chandler has learned means he's really digging for the right thing to say. It goes on just long enough to be mildly unnerving, and then Joey finally answers, "No! 'Course not. You're just...not confident enough. Yeah. See, whenever I really wanna nail an audition, I gotta get myself all psyched up first. If I go in thinkin' I'm gonna suck, I'm gonna suck. Same thing goes for women. They got some kinda sixth sense where they can tell if you're about to piss your pants, and it turns 'em off."