[Joey x Chandler] COMPILATION OF SHORT STORIES FROM AO3

The One Where Chandler Writes Porn

Monica's cooking dinner over the stove while Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, and Ross are crammed together on the couch. "Y'know, you don't think you'd need a set of knives that could cut through bricks," Ross says while they're watching a bad infomercial, "but when they throw in a whole 'nother set for free..."

"Anybody seen Chandler?" Monica asks. "He never misses our Friday night dinners."

"Maybe he has a date," Rachel answers around laughter. "Oh man, I can't even say it with a straight face."

Joey pouts a little. He doesn't think Chandler's that inept at dating, and maybe if he didn't flail his arms so much or stumble over his words when he approaches a potential romantic interest he'd have more success. Because it's not like Chandler doesn't have any good points. He's supported Joey financially for almost the entirety of the three years they've been roommates. That's two good qualities right there: a steady job and a kind, giving heart. Take notes, ladies.

"He, uh, he told me he had a thing tonight," Joey says, rather unhelpfully. They're all giving him variations of that "you dumb bastard" look, so he adds, "He's havin' dinner with somebody from work. I think it's about some kinda promotion or pay raise or somethin'."

Monica stirs the spaghetti sauce, a thoughtful look on her face. "How come none of us know what Chandler does for a living?" she asks no one in particular. "We all talk about our jobs, except for him. Joey, does he say anything to you?"

Joey shakes his head. "Not really, no. Which is kinda weird 'cause I talk to him all the time about auditions and callbacks and what I do."

Rachel's eyes go wide. "You mean you don't know? How can you live with the guy for almost three years and not know?"

"I dunno, how could you not know Ross had a crush on you since high school?" Joey shoots back, defensive.

Ross puts his arm around her shoulders, and Rachel tries her best to look angry at both of them.

"What if the reason he's so secretive about it is 'cause he works for the government or something?" Phoebe says. "Like, some super top-secret thing we don't even know about."

Joey shrugs. "It's probably just somethin' really embarrassing, y'know, like"—he tries to think of something that might warrant Chandler's level of secrecy but comes up short—"I got nothin'."

"At least tell me you've asked about it," Monica says.

"Yeah, a couple'a times. He's real vague about it though, but it's somethin' to do with writing for the company he works for."

"Joey, are you up for a little reconnaissance?"

He just stares blankly. No idea what that word means.

"Do some snooping," Monica explains. "Try to find out what he does. Aren't you curious?"

Joey does find it rather suspect that Chandler keeps so much of his job shrouded in mystery. It's probably nothing ridiculously awesome like Phoebe suggested, but Joey's always had a prickling of interest as to Chandler's occupation. The fact that he always dodges the questions Joey asks about it or gives vague answers just makes Joey all the more curious.

Chandler comes home later that evening while Joey's kicked back in the recliner watching TV. "Hey, Joe."

"Oh, Chandler, hey, how was the thing?"