Proud

Chapter 18

Finn slowly leans me back on to the bed so that we are both lying down. Our lips don't leave each other as we lie down. I let him shuffle me around as we kiss. He sure as hell knows what he's doing. And well, I don't. So I'll happily let him take the lead for now. So  long as we don't go too far ofcourse. I mean, it's not that I don't want to go there with him, it's just, I don't think I'm quite ready for that yet.

In all honesty, I only had my first kiss the other week, and to go any further would be just too fast for me. I think for the mean time, I'm happy just having a good make out session.

In the meantime, while my mind is running in circles, Finn and I are completely making out on the hotel room bed. He moves me around so that I am underneath him. He rests half of his body on to mine, obviously being careful as to not squash me.

I move my fingers through his soft hair. His arms rest on my hips as we make out slowly. As we get more into it, I feel his hand slowly make its way up to my chest.

The moment his hand touches my boob, I immediately freak out and stop kissing him back.

He notices straight away and pulls away, not moving his hand.

"Ana, what's wrong?" He asks worriedly. I can see stress wrinkles on his forehead.

I want to answer him, but I'm simply to shy. I mean, how do I tell the guy I like that I don't want to sleep with him? Will he be offended? Will he understand?

I don't answer him. I bite my lip and look down a little.

He moves his hand from my breast and uses his hand to lift my face up. As he looks into my eyes, he finally says, "Hey, don't go all shy on me now princess".

He leans down and kisses my nose quickly before pulling back.

"Hmmm?" He encourages me.

I squirm under him uncomfortably. I have no idea how to say what I want to say.

"I just...I -" I say mumbling. I stop myself, not even sure how to say what I want to say.

"You...?" He asks me. 

I take a breath and just blurt out the truth quickly, "I don't want to have sex now"

He lifts up an eyebrow curiously and then looks my body up and down, "We're not having sex."

He states the obvious. I immediately look away from him. He obviously doesn't get what I'm trying to say. He obviously doesn't see that I don't want to have sex right now or later tonight.

I wait for him to speak because I don't know what to say to him.

"Ana, we don't have to do anything you don't want to do" He says to me, obviously trying to comfort me.

I look at him with wide eyes. He looks completely serious and is obviously waiting for me to answer. When I don't he continues confidentally.

"Ana, I don't know how deep your sexual knowledge is, but we weren't having sex just then" He tells me.

I look at him like he's an idiot. Did he think that I thought we were having sex by making out?

"I know we weren't having sex just then, I just don't want to do it tonight" I tell him.

He nods his head understandingly.

"So we won't have sex" He says casually with an encouraging smile.

I nod back at him and immediately feel more comfortable. He seems to know how to soothe over every situation.

I take another deep breath and finally say, "And Finn, I know I may sound like a nun and that your probably not used to waiting for girls to... put out?"

I feel his body harden above me as I say those words. Obviously talking about his past makes him nervous.

"Let's not compare you to my past, hey? You're my future" He tells me, trying to avoid answering the question.

I nod at him, "I know, but can we... can we just take it slow?"

He gives me a smile and kisses my nose again, "Of course".

"Thank you" I tell him.

He leans down and kisses my mouth, "Anything for my princess".

I roll my eyes as he calls me princess again. He sees me do it and giggles before giving me a quick kiss on the lips.

When he pulls back, he asks me, "Wait, this does mean that we can make out though? Cause like, I can only limit myself so far Ana"

I laugh, "Yes, we can make out".

He kisses my lips quickly again and then pulls back to ask another question. 

He runs his hand through his hair as he asks his next query, "This is going to... I don't know how to say this nicely, but is there anywhere that you... you don't want me touching when we like... make out?" 

My eyebrows shoot up and my whole body freezes.

He notices my reaction and continues, "It's just, you freaked when I touched your boob and well, if your not comfortable with it then I guess I won't touch you there until your ready".

He starts to ramble on, "Of course you can touch me too. Anywhere you like. Like I'm all open. You can literally touch me anywhere. Like from head to toe, I don't care where-"

"I get it Finn" I say interrupting him.

He waits for me to continue, "I guess, it's just, the only reason I freaked out is because no one's ever touched me there and I don't know what to do".

He smiles at me as he says, "You can do whatever you like Ana, there's no rules"

"I know that! It's just, it's all new for me. And like, I'd never know how or when or... like do I return it back? Or do I just lie there? Or... I don't know!"

He smiles at me lovingly. I expect him to be ridiculing me, but it's just a loving smile. There's no ridicule at all.

"Do you want to touch me Ana?" He offers up to me. 

He repeats, "Touch me? Do you want to?"

I look at him surprised. My eyes move from his head down to his body. Without even realising it, I'm nodding my head eagerly. It's like my body is taking over my mind and answering for me.

I see him reach for my hand. He grabs it and moves it towards his shirt. He moves my hand under his top and leaves my hand there. My hand insitinctly moves around to feel his bare chest. It feels good. So, so good.

I don't move my hand away from his chest. I have no will power to. I just want to explore his whole body with my hands. My previous sensibility is now out the window. All I want to do is touch him over and over again.

"You can reach lower if you want" He says, interrupting my dirty thoughts.

It takes me a while to process what he says.

"What?" I say to him. I look at his face and realise that he has just been lying down on his side watching me feel him up.

He giggles and repeats, "You can reach lower down, if you would like? But only if you want to... And judging by the way you were acting a couple of seconds ago..."

I immediately get embarassed and pull away. I turn my head around and hide in the pillow. He laughs out loud and then moves close to me. He wraps his leg around my waist and puts his head on my shoulder.

He kisses the top of my head and finally says, "You're so cute when your nervous".

Authors note:

Hey friends :) So this will be my last update for who knows when. I'm leaving 2moro to go on holidays for a month. I probably will write on my long ass plane ride but obviously I won't be able to upload anything until I find wifi. So, in advance, I apologise if I make you guys wait for an update. I know how annoying it is to wait for an author to update so I'm sorry!

Anyway, hope your all doing well xx