Proud

Chapter 20

Five years later

Some things truly never change. That was the only thought I had when I came back to this town. It had been five years since I’d driven along this road, yet, it only felt like yesterday. I still remember walking out of that hotel room. At the time, it was the only choice I had. For once I was left alone to protect myself, even if that meant walking away from it all. And even though it hurt walking away from my sister, never truly knowing if she’d be safe, and even though it kills me that I had to leave my father, nothing ever compared to the pain that I felt when I left him. It was always about him.

“Momma I’m hungry” A little voice broke me out of deep thought. I peered around quickly to the back seat where my now four year old daughter was sitting impatiently.

I bite my lip nervously, “I know baby, we’re nearly there”.

“Where’s there momma?” She questions.

“We’re going to visit grandpa” I answer her. I look quickly in my rear vision mirror and see her looking back at me confused.

She puts her little hand to her mouth and asks, “But why now?”

I hesitate before answering, “because it’s safe now”.

“Why wasn’t it safe before?” She asks. I curse silently and wonder why kids have to ask so many goddamn questions. I mean, how do I tell her that her grandmother is a nut job. Or, as I should say, was a nut job.

I tread with caution as I reply, “Because before grandma was a little sick, and so grandpa had to take care of her and make sure she gets taken to a place where they take care of sick people. But now grandmas in a place where she can get better, so it’s okay for us to visit grandpa now”.

“Is grandma at the doctors?” She asks innocently.

I look in the rear view mirror and lie straight out, “Yes baby, she’s at the doctors”.

“Yuk” She says and I force out a little laugh. She seems to believe my white lie and I plan to keep it that way. I mean, how do you tell your four year old child that her grandmother is in jail. It’s just something I can’t do. I have to admit, finding out myself shocked me. I still remember the day I found out. I was watching tv while putting my little girl to sleep, and next thing I know, up pops my mothers face on the news. It’s not something you expect you know, especially when you find out that your mother has been arrested for robbing a bank.

But with that shock came relief. It meant I could go home. I could go home to him. And even though it’s been five years, I know he’ll still be here. He has to be. It’s the only thing that has kept me going for this long.  

But first things first, I must find my father. I pull into the driveway of my old home. My fathers car is parked out the front and I suddenly get nervous. What if he doesn’t recognise me?

I pull over and close my eyes for a moment. My breathing gets heavier as I get more and more nervous. Slowly, I open my eyes and take a deep breath. I unstrap my seatbelt and get out of the car before walking over to the back seat to help my daughter out. She jumps out eagerly, excited to meet her new grandfather.

I hold her hand to stop her from running up to the door and practically attacking him with cuddles as he opens the door. We walk up to the front porch and I stare at the door for a couple of moments.

“Momma, can I ring the doorbell?” My daughter asks me. I nod my head at her, unable to speak.

As the doorbell rings, I hear footsteps and suddenly the door open. My heart skips a beat as I’m greeted by someone I did not expect to see.

I have to blink a few times because I don’t believe it. I don’t move, I don’t speak, all I do is stare.

I feel my daughter loosen her grip on my hand and run to the man standing on the other side of the door. She flings her body at him and grips on to his legs tightly.

“Grandpa!” She says excitedly.

“Grandpa?” He questions me.

I take a deep breath and sigh before starting a conversation that I didn’t think I’d have to have in a long time.

“Hi Finn” I say nervously.

Finn looks at me in surprise, then looks down at my daughter, then back at me.

I read the confusion on his face and speak up, “Oh, yeah, sorry! This is Penelope, my daughter.”

He looks down at her and she repeats, “Grandpa!”

I pull her back and tell her, “Sweetie, that’s not grandpa”.

She looks up at me with confused eyes, “Then who is it then”.

“Finn” I say quietly. Her face lights up and suddenly she latches back on to him.

“Daddy!” She says happily. That one word forces Finn’s eyes to practically pop out of her head. Shit.

He looks over me and I smile lightly. With wide eyes, he opens the door a little further and signals for us to walk in.