note to self | vrene

bae joohyun

i slowly opened my eyes and looked around my surroundings. the bed, the curtains, chairs, the guy, medicine on the side tableㅡi still must be at the infirmary..

wait.

a guy?

wasn't the nurse a lady?

what's a guy doing here?

"h-huh?!"

i sat up on the bed without haste and properly looked at the person who was sleeping on the chair. he got surprised and flinched at my loud scream. now all of the sudden, i was being looked at by a pair of eyes, full of worry and concern.

"huh? what? are you okay? do you still feel sick?" asking non-stop as he stood up from the chair, he came closer to the bed.

he reached out his hand for my forehead again, but he stopped mid-way. "ah! i'm sorry joohyun. i-i won't touch you without permission again."

he looked restless, he looked upset. what is because of what i said earlier? now all of the sudden he's complying. completely different from the stubborn person that he is.

"k-kim taehyung! what are you doing here?" i snapped back to reality and checked the time on my phone. it was 5pm already, and classes already ended an hour ago.

"you didn't have to wait.."

"i know. but i wanted to." he casually replied with a smile.

he pulled the chair closer and sat back down. he rummaged through his backpack all of the sudden and brought out a purple notebook in his hands. "did you lose this today by any chance?"

"i-i can explain!" i was happy for a moment. seeing that notebook found, i was suddenly relieved.

although, he must be mad right? he put all those heartfelt feelings in that journal of a notebook, and i had the nerve to even lose something that doesn't belong to me...wait. did i just say his heartfelt feelings? was it even real?

i suddenly remembered all the questions and insecurities i had inside my head. why he approached me. why he was looking for me. just..why me?

yerim.. i had no reason to feel intimidated by her now that i found out she has a boyfriend. at this point i'm just using her as an excuse for my insecurities.

but what if it wasn't only yerim? what if there were others who liked him way before i came into his life? there are tons of others who would be fit for someone like taehyung. so why am i even trying?

"explain what?" he grined "i figured you'd lose it one day."

ah. how stupid of me. in the first place, why should i even explain? that's his notebook, he can keep it.

"by the way, i was meaning to ask you joohyun.. why did you leave earlier?" he asked with a low voice. "did you get mad? did i do something wrong?"

"yes, i was mad. but that doesn't concern you."

taehyung looked appalled once again. and i felt guilty for being the reason for that expression on his face.

"w-what do you mean? we were okay the other day.." he lowered his head and stared at the floor for a few seconds, contemplating on something. "was it because of the notebook? was it something i wrote there that made you like thisㅡ"

"just stop it!"

"..."

he looked at me with wide eyes; probably because of my sudden outburst. but that's not the issue here.

i just don't want to go on with this any further.

"i don't know what game you're playing, but don't involve me anymore. whether you wrote the truth or lies on your notebook, i don't care."

"huh?ㅡwait. did you think i was lying? did you think i just made them all up? is this what it's all about?"

"let's get this straight taehyung, i only read it because it was noted to me, but otherwise i wouldn't even bother. again, i don't care. so you can keep that notebook of yours because i didn't even want it. we don't have any reason to be acquainted with each other."

he furrowed his eyebrows at my statement. he looked at me with a sad expression on his face, as if he was hurt. "joohyun, you changed." taehyung bit his lip, probably preventing himself from saying another word.

he stood up from his chair and persisted on giving me the purple notebook, "i said i don't want itㅡ"

"this is yours." he firmly said. plopping the journal right next to me.

"huh? what do you meanㅡ"

"all your notebooks are purple. even mine is. it all looks the same. but this is your second notebook. it says written by bae joohyun."

my eyes widened. then that must mean his notebook was with me all along?! i sighed in relief.

but why was i more worried about taehyung's than mine?

"don't worry. i didn't read anything except the front page of it." he said monotonous. he looked at me with a blank stare, that i couldn't even tell what he was feeling anymore.

"about my notebook, just give it back to me tomorrow. and i'll exchange it with your first one."

again, he looked at me with dead eyes. i couldn't see the arrogant, the playful, the sweet and caring taehyung in him. not even one that i was used to seeing.

"promise me." i said. "this is the last time."

he paused for a few seconds, clenching his jaw before looking at me like he didn't even want to answer.

"yeah. i promise."