note to self | vrene

kim taehyung

i left joohyun in the infirmary without another word, as if i just ran away.

i didn't mean anything i said back there, and when i got home, i regretted everything. my emotions just probably got the better of me, when i should've tried to empathize with her.

how am i supposed to face joohyun tomorrow?

i feel drained. i feel like a hundred years had already passed by in a blink of an eye. i don't feel like moving at all. i feel likeㅡ

"hey old man, if you plan on hogging the tv all to yourself in that state, can you go to your room? you look depressing, and it's contagious."

i was sitting on the floor, playing video games in the living room when my sister walked up to me. i just looked up to her and ignored her eventually.

"you scum." and ofcourse she kicked me in the face, but that's okay. i expected that kind of reaction. this is how we siblings fight everyday.

but it was different this time. it's as if my heart hurts more than anything. all i could think about is joohyun, and i just don't feel likeㅡ

"taehyung, are you crying?! are you serious?!"

"n-no i'm not!" i covered my eyes and hid away from her. "your kick triggered my tear ducks you amazon!"

"shut up you big baby! i did more worse things than this, why did you have to cry nowㅡwait." she stared at me for a good minute before coming to her conclusion.

she knows too well that a mere kick wouldn't make me cry. "tell me, what happened?" she lowered her voice and kneeled on the floor beside me. "this is the first time i've seen you cry, you know."

my little sister, why does it feel like she's all grown up?

"yeerriii..." i called. i couldn't hold it in and eventually bursted out in tears, even more.

she sighed, but she didn't ask any questions. all she did was hug me, and patted my head, like i was a little kid. i know that she was trying her best to comfort me in this pathetic state, but i felt bad.

it's true that i never cried in front of her before, i was always the one who was strong. in fact, the pain i'm experiencing right now isn't even half of what she's been through. but she never gave up, and so should i.

"i'm okay now.." after i calmed down a bit, she suddenly pushed me away "now, tell me." she firmly said without any expression on her face. geez, what happened to that sweet little sister who was trying to comfort me earlier? talk about delicacy.

"fine," i sighed. "the girl i was talking to you about..do you remember her?" she nodded. "you mean joohyun unnie?"

"yeah." i bitterly smiled. "i got rejected..."

"huh??" her jaw dropped in disbelief, and she started shaking my shoulder aggressively "why?! well i mean hah, you ain't shit bro but i could clearly see she was interested in you too."

"i thought so too. but after the game, she just..suddenly became cold."

yeri was strucked for a while. she widened her eyes at me, as if she realized something her dense self could never figure out.

"did you tell her that i was your sister?"

"no. why would i? have you met her?"

she just looked at me in disappointment and shouted "you dense dumbass!"

i flinched at loudness, and pointed at myself in confusion. "me? haaa?"

"well duh bro. you're clearly dense as a rock that you'd probably never figure out that you are dense."

well that backfired immediately.

"eh? your brother isn't as dense as you think little sis."

"what do you meanㅡ"

"atleast i know that you're in love with someone at the moment. aren't you?" i saw yerim's face turn beet red, which confirming my speculation. "what? did i guess right?"

"you crack head!"

but ofcourse i received another kick, because that's how we normally are. we aren't normal.

•••

the next day, i went to school like nothing happened. well i guess, except for the gloomy aura i'm emitting.

i inhaled slowly, and when i was just about to breathe out heavily, i felt like all the eyes were on me.

"hey dude you keep on sighing." i know, jimin, fuck off. "can you tell us what happened already?" you too, yoongi.

i took a sip out of my strawberry milk while listening to those two interrogate me, but i didn't answer anything ofcourse.

it was lunch time, and all of us sat on one table in the cafeteria; namjoon, yoongi, and jimin. these guys whom kept on pestering me.

it would be nice though if they could distract me for a bit, but all my mind could think about now is still joohyun; what happened yesterday, and what i'm going to do today.

the purple notebook. i sighed again at the thought.

"that's your 43rd man. can you knock it off and just spill already?" namjoon complained, taking my drink away from me. the heck?

"can you guys leave me alone? i'm just worried because tests are coming up soon." i huffed. hoping that i could brush them off with it. but no.

"don't mess with me you dumbass you don't even study." namjoon scoffed. he got me right away. "so tell me, why?"

"girl problems, i bet a hundred bucks!" jimin raised an eyebrow and smirked, but namjoon just shut him down right away. "shut up jimin. yeri already told us what happened. you cried." namjoon confessed, which made me slam my hands on the table. why that!ㅡ

"if you knew the whole time, then why do you guys keep on asking?" i nonchalantly said. but i just received a beating from my cousin.

"stupid. it's because we want you to talk about it on your own! you're really dense with these things, and we want to help you!"

i clenched my fist, giving in to the urge of telling someone, who would probably understand how i feel.

i should just be honest.

"fine. the soon-to-be rejected asshole, has officially become one. there, i said it. happy?" the three just stared at me in complete silence, that it was suffocating me every minute. damn.

"make fun of me, tease me, tell me you said so. just don't give me this reaction please." i begged. it's already embarrassing as it is.

i never experienced heartaches before, nonetheless dating! joohyun was the only girl i had my mind on ever since i met her, so this is technically all new to me.

"hey taehyung," jimin started.

"eoh?"

i was getting myself prepared to hear the harsh truth, but no one did say anything. exceptㅡ

"let's all go home together today."