note to self | vrene

bae joohyun

"kang seulgi!"

the two of us flinched at the loud voice that echoed in the whole store. we saw them nearby the entrance, not too far away from where we were standing. it was park jimin, but he wasn't alone.

"jimin! wait. why are all of you guys here?" seulgi asked.

"we were looking for taehyung. have you seen him?"

namjoon, yoongi, and even wendy was with him. then does this mean that he's also here?

anxiety began to creep in me, so i slowly backed away from seulgi and turned aroundㅡonly to crash into someone who was standing behind me this whole time.

"t-taehyung.." i muttered. he was clearly upset, but there was no hint of anger in his eyes. it was just a sad expression.

i swallowed the lump that formed on my throat and unwillingly faced him while praying for my soul. please someone save meㅡ

"jimin! over here."

huh?

i thought he was going to say something unpleasant, but he just walked past me without a single word. it was as if he ignored me.

what..the hell?

"eoh? taehyung! we searched everywhere for you! don't leave us behind like that again!"

"you guys were too slow. let's go."

"huh? but didn't you want to stop by the bookstore?ㅡah! look! there's joohyun! she's right behind you!" i flinched upon hearing jimin call out my name. it was some wrong timing too, since i happen to turn around at the same time, accidentally meeting jimin's eyes.

"it's okay jimin. i promised this is the last time." i froze at his ment. he was right. i did make him promise, "and i won't break a third promise." he says. i could only lower my head, because i didn't want to see the expression on his face.

i clenched my fist, trying so hard to prevent myself from showing the vulnerable state i'm in.

he probably knew that i just wanted to run away. and now that he's slipping away from my grasp, i can't do anything.

i'm pathetic, but i guess this is what i deserve.

"what? taehyung, you wanted to come here to see her right? what are you doing? where are you going?"

taehyung kept on walking towards the exit, so i took the opportunity to glance while his back was turned. i suddenly felt a pang of guilt and regret building up within me.

he left, just like that.

what was i expecting him to do anyway?

"well i'll be..isn't this a bit..awkward?"

"jimin! you idiot!" seulgi shouted and smacked him on the shoulder. her girlfriend was already giving him glares, but he wasn't fazed by it.

"what? are you gonna leave the two of them like this? i don't know about you guys, but it's pretty obvious that the two of them are just playing numb and dumb." he scoffed and raised an intimidating eyebrow at me. "are you okay with letting him go? what if he gets a girlfriend? are you going to be fine with it?"

"he's right joohyun-ah. you know that we'll support you no matter what your decision is." wendy went closer to my side and reached out to hold my hand. "but if you're going to end up with a lot of regrets in the end, then you should atleast be honest with yourself."

her words warmed my heart, and all of their gentle stares felt like they were saying that i wasn't alone; that it's okay to be hurt, and that it's okay to be in love.

"the next bus is not until 6pm. and knowing him, he hasn't gone too far." namjoon spoke and nodded, "now go."

i looked around the bookstore and noticed how we were making a scene. maybe because all of my friends here were shining. seulgi, wendy, jimin, yoongi and namjoon. their presence were overwhelming that people would stop to take a second look.

in school, i never did stand out anywhere. my life was plain and boring, and nothing was there to talk about. i was convinced that i was only meant to be in the background, and i was destined to support them from the shadows.

it was not until i found the light that showed me how beautiful the world is. no matter how dark it is from my view, he taught me that there's still a lot more to see. but in my eyes, kim taehyung, he was the brightest.

"thank you guys." my eyes got clouded as i nodded to them. all of them were cheering me on as i ran outside the bookstore. i noticed how the sun was already setting, but what caught my attention the most was how the sky looked unusual; it was purple.

i thought about how beautiful the scenery was, and then i thought about looking at the same sky with taehyung.

i prayed. seeing him sitting on the bus stop's bench; he was staring at the ground, and my heart was pounding against my chest.

i wasn't too late, was i?

"ya kim taehyung!"

he looked up to me, surprised and confused. his expression was hard to read since it was between being happy to see me, at the same time it was not.

"what are you doing here?"

"what do you mean?" i furrowed my eyebrows and chanted multiple times in my head. i reached out my hand, locking eye contact with him so naturally that it was making my heart flutter even more.

"y-you didn't give me back my notebook yet. so how is that supposed to be the last time!"

i closed my eyes and cursed under my breath. stupid! that's not what you wanted to say! you were supposed to be honest with your feelings joohyun..

"is that all?"

he replied coldly. his eyes were different, that i couldn't even dare look at it. i was shaken, and i didn't know how to respond. he stood up from his seat, leaving not enough space between us at all.

"if i give it back to you then that's it, right?"

i don't know what happened to me that day, but i guess being honest takes courage.

i got my notebook back.

but i lost someone more important.