Sissy Boy (ManxBoyxBoy) ⎰⛑⎰

32. яєα¢тισи

A S H T O N

~The sunlight is fleeing, leaving me with nothing but the darkness of my own mind. It seems rather determined to drown me this time. Is all of this just a reaction to fear or is it something more solidified?~

The light in the room was almost sickening as I woke up to light streaming in the windows. I wasn't certain on why Blake would have opened the blinds, but I really didn't like it. It made my stomach feel slightly sick. I glanced over and saw that only a corner of the blind was open, and could have easily been accidentally knocked open. I groaned and rolled over onto the pillow beside me... where Blake normally is. I sighed and shook my head, feeling around the bed. Whenever Blake wasn't here when I woke up there was usually a note. 

I found it rather easily considering that he always puts it on his pillow. I picked up the note and squinted to read it. Though there was light, it wasn't really enough to do anything other than aggravate my head and leave me feeling nauseous, so it made it difficult to read the letter. 

Princess, 

I'm sorry you had to wake up alone today, I tried to get out of working but with how little I actually work anyway I can't complain too much. I had to go in and get some things settled with a couple of workers. Apparently I'm the only one competent enough to handle getting something done around there. 

I trust that you'll take your pills like a good boy, and try to get some studying done. I realize how hard it is to focus on it with everything so up in the air however I don't want you to fall behind. If you get hungry, there is some soup in the crock-pot. Be careful, it's hot so don't burn yourself. 

I love you, be good. I will be home around five, so don't get into too much trouble. 

Blake

I sat up and walked over to the blind and pulled it shut, successfully making the room blanketed in darkness. I walked into the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet, picking around until I found my medicine. I took a second to read the label on them, and then shook my head. Who gives a fuck, anyway? I took out two of the pills and put the bottle back, then walked down to the kitchen and got a glass. 

My head screamed in pain from the light around me, and I hurriedly started pouring some flavored water in my glass, taking one of the pills into my mouth and gulping down some of the water, successfully taking it. I did the same with the second, and looked over at the crock-pot. I decided I'd put off eating until the medicine had kicked in a bit and knocked a bit of the nausea out of the way. I walked back up to the bedroom, one hand gripping the banister on the stairs, the other gripping my glass of water. 

I didn't want to sulk because Blake wasn't here, I knew he had to work sometimes and there was nothing that I could do about it, but I felt needy because he wasn't there. Something about being alone in this big house made everything seem worse. 

I didn't want to be alone. I wanted him with me all the time. I'm scared all the time and I feel better when he's with me. I feel safe when he's holding me. I miss him so much. I sighed deeply and grabbed one of his shirts out of the closet, slipping it on after taking my clothes off and slid back into bed where he'd usually be laying. 

I could imagine that things between us had become pretty boring. We rarely got to do anything, sex was a distant promise, and talking was hard to do when you feel like when you open your mouth you're going to vomit. I mean I guess on a scale from one to ten, one being the worst and ten being the best, our relationship was probably about a four in his eyes. I can't do what he wanted me for anymore. Not until I have surgery and recover. This isn't fair to Blake. He wanted me for sex. There was no other purpose of me in his life... except for inconveniences.