Nothing But A Memory

Chapter 10- D i r t y

It's been a few days since our little argument and although I'm still not completely ready to forgive him, I am willing to move forward from all this. He was really out of line and it disgusts me how he thinks he can just do whatever he wants or try to control me and expect no reaction from me. I've learned in my few years of living that, I'm the kind of person that gets pushed around and used a lot, I can't keep letting it go on like it has for so many years. I need to stand up for myself, for once.

I'm always there for everyone whenever they need to talk but when I need to talk, no one answers my calls or texts or just straight up doesn't pay attention. I deserve better and i don't need anybody to tell me that to know I get treated like shit from my school friends. Nobody notices how quickly my fake smile fades or how I barely talk. When you know me truly, you know I'm rarely quiet. I always have something on my mind or to say. I tend to stay quiet in school so I don't come off as annoying. I don't know why I fear feeling annoying or like I'm bothering my friends when I talk to them, even if it's about my day or feelings that they never asked to know about but I feel that's what friends talk about. I wouldn't know. My whole life, i've had what I thought were friends and people I could trust but only ended up leaving me once they felt they were done putting up with me. Only the ones that have felt bad or pity me, stay. Since I realized all this, I keep my distance, I keep a few secrets enough that no one suspects I'm hiding a thing and am a open book. I protect myself so i don't ever have to feel annoying or bothersome to anybody. Aren't friends supposed to ask you things like how are you or how was your day? I've never had a friend that asks me either on a regular basis. I don't know if it's the culture I live in or how little my friends care about my well being. I know if I confronted my friends about it, they would try to defend themselves, make themselves sound like a better person than they really are. No one wants to admit they're a bad person or have done bad things, it's human.

I park in the crossfit parking lot and wait in my car for a special call from mom. It's been awhile since we've talked. I could always go inside the gym and wait for her call there but I rather not attract any attention or concern than i have already with the last call.

I text Gaby to reassure her I came and she won't have to workout alone. I feel like she fears working out without me there since I've been her workout partner since her first day "Hey, I'm here. I'm just waiting for my mom to call so i don't know how long it'll take."

She quickly responds since she's always on her phone "Yeah take your time, don't worry about me."

She's always been so understanding, one of the most understanding people I've ever met and I'm so grateful.

I didn't realize i was staring at Gaby's text until I hear the special ring from Imo, the only app that I know of, I can video call to Cuba.

"Hello?" I hear my mom call out and i cover my mouth to muffle any cries that could escape. My vision blurs as I wave and she waves back. This is how I'm going to have to talk to my mom until I graduate.

"Como estan las cosas aya?" I ask with a broken voice.

Translation -> (How are things over there?)

"Bien, estamos mirando si podemos organizar los papeles para ir para atrás pero no hay dinero para imprimir todo."

Translation -> (Good, were looking to see if we can organize the papers to go back but there's no money to print it all.)

"Yo te puedo mandar el dinero."

Translation -> (I can send you money.)

"Hay no, mija ya tu sabes lo que pasa cuando tu mandas dinero para Cuba."

Translation -> (Oh no, you know what happens when you send money to Cuba.)

I nod a tear slowly running down my cheek. "Lo cojen para ellos mismos."