Nothing But A Memory

Chapter 21- F i r s t d a y

I hear the bell ring signaling Im late on the first day of school. I speed walk through the crowd of students to the other side of the school where my physics class was. With my chest rising and falling quickly and beads of sweat beginning to form on my forehead, I walk in just as my name was called Natassia Garcia!

Here. I rush to the first empty seat I could find that was closer to the back of the rows.

Why are you late? The short bald teacher stands from his desk to look me in the eye.

Oh, um, there was a lot of traffic. I feel my face heat up from becoming center of attention.

Isnt that the girl from the viral nudes video? I overhear two girls gossiping not very quietly.

Dont be late again. You need to be here 5 minutes before the bell sitting in your seat. I nod and he goes back to taking attendance.

I look beside me to a girl writing something down on a notebook with a mint green senior crown covered in adventurous fake jewels.

Can I see your crown? I ask the nice looking girl that has long straight brown hair, fair skin and brown eyes.

Yeah, sure. She hands me her crown and goes right back to writing.

There was a little compass, a plane, the word adventurous and little pictures of touristic places.

Here. Its really pretty. She puts back where it first was before saying Thank you.

Okay class today we will be learning about vectors and how to solve them. The teacher begins by drawing an example on the board.

We were able to do 3 examples before the class ended but I was too busy zoned out thinking what to do about David.

I wish he wouldnt consume my every thought but he does. He means the world to me but its too painful to be with him. Maybe if they never got into a fight I would have never gotten raped. I hate how Im still wondering all the what ifs, I rather look back on all of this and think wow I did that instead of what if I did that. I dont wanna live a life of regret, of what ifs.

Hey, I just saw your message whats up? David responds to my lets talk text.

Ive been thinking and maybe Im ready to try and sexual again. I know it hasnt been that long since that night but I finally stopped crying so much over it and now that hes arrested I feel like a whole new person. I text to David biting my lip with knots of nerves in my stomach.

Does not crying over it anymore mean Im ready or ran out of tears? Does feeling this sense of relief and weight lifted off my shoulder mean I should dive right back into being sexual? How soon is too soon? How much is too much? What am I supposed to do if I freeze in panic while hes touching me and I cant seem to find a way to tell him to stop.

For my own sanity I need to find out if David can turn me like he used to, or at least feel even the slightest turned on from his touch. Im so worried and scared Ill never be able to feel turned on again, that Ill never be able to have children because creating them is too traumatic.

What were you thinking of doing?

I thought what would be most logical Well lets kiss and if that kiss can turn me on, we continue and if it doesnt than we stop there.

If you think your ready, lets do it. Is Friday good? its Thursday so I'd have time to mentally prepare.

Yeah but can I just warn you a little bit, I guess. If your eating me out for example and Im quiet like not even breathing heavy, just stop because that means Im not turned on.