Say The Words (Louis Tomlinson Fan Fic)

Chapter 30

*Addie's POV*

Monday, November 18th, 2013- (early, early morning)

"Louis, I'm sorry. I can't stay. I can't be in your life any longer. You know what your management said. I don't want to ruin your career. You'll find love again. Eleanor is," I struggle to find words, "special. You have to move on from me. And, as soon as you do it, you'll love Eleanor."

"You are a terrible liar," Louis says. He's right. I couldn't say any of that without choking. A tear slides down my cheek. I really do miss him. I really do want to be with him. I really do still love him.

But, I can't love him. It's mad. One of the things I noticed when I was in rehab was that some of the other girls seemed attached to whatever it was that got the there. Greta was "addicted" to starving herself because she loved the feeling of being empty. Marie was "addicted" to cutting herself because she loved how everything felt good after feeling the pain of the blade digging into her skin. Josie was "addicted" to drugs because she loved that it felt like she was in a different, painless world when she got high. These girls are addicted to what is ruining them. And if they want to survive, they have to let go and overcome their addictions. Louis hurt me and drove me to what I did. Like Greta, Marie, and Josie, I have to learn not to love the thing that hurt me. I have to learn to not love Louis.

"But, Louis didn't take that new blade and cut you until you almost died. It's not his fault."

The thought echoes in my mind. Greta, who I roomed with and became close with, told me that one night. I had told her what got me into the rehab center. She was very smart, very wise. Which is troubling because she has been in the rehab center for a little over two years now. Nevertheless, she was right. It's not Louis' fault. It was never Louis' fault. How could I say that?

"Yes. That is true," I say.

"What's happening? What are we going to do? What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. It's really late and we are both emotional. I think we've talked enough tonight. I don't think I can process anything else. Do you know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I think I do. Let's call it a night. Could we talk more tomorrow?" He asks hopefully.

"Yeah, we can. Have a good night," I say and get up and leave. My head feels five pounds heavier than it did when I came here.

As I walk downstairs, I see Niall and Harry. They're sitting on the couch watching tv, but they shut it off when they see me. Harry turns the lamp up one notch to see better. "Hey. Where is everyone else?" I ask.

"Eleanor went to her cousin's house to stay the night, and Liam and Zayn went to bed," Niall answers.

"Oh, okay."

"Did you guys talk?" Harry asks.

I bite my tongue from saying a sarcastic remark. What does he think we did? Play checkers? "Yes, we talked. I think he's doing a little better."

"What did you guys talk about?" Niall asks.

"I'm sure you're already aware of some of the things we talked about, so it's okay. Louis told me about his and Eleanor's relationship being set up."

"Yeah..." Niall mumbles.

"What's that all about?" I ask.

"Harry would know best," Niall points to Harry.

"Management wanted to kill the rumors of you and Louis dating so they found Eleanor and set them up. It hasn't been the best."

"What do you mean?" I ask.