Musically Yours // Wolfstar One-Shots

Unwell

Remus awoke with a start, sitting up and straining his ears for the noise that brought him out of his slumber. He could hear the wind whistling against the thin walls of his little cottage, making the oak tree outside groan with the force, but otherwise the house was quiet.

Remus slumped back down against the mattress. His heightened sense of hearing usually came in handy, but it made sleepless nights nearly unbearable. He focused on the other pair of lungs breathing down the hall. The labored, sporadic rhythm he heard worried him slightly, but he remained in bed.

He glanced at the Muggle alarm clock on the bedside table. 3:27 flashed at him in bright red blocks.

As Remus shifted into a more comfortable position, he heard the breathing get interrupted by a gasp, then it evened out with deep inhales. A door opened, and footsteps started to pad down the hallway. They got closer to his door before moving past it. They returned to the door moments later, paused, and continued on past once more. 

After three repetitions of this pattern, Remus knew that the knock the pacer was building up the courage to place on his door was not going to happen anytime soon. He stood up, stretched his tired muscles, and opened his bedroom door.

A bedraggled Sirius Black stood in the doorway, looking like a deer in headlights as he gazed up at Remus.

"Hey, Rem," he said quietly. "Can I...um...can I come in?"

"Of course," Remus said, stepping aside to let Sirius in. 

Silence washed over them as they stood in Remus's small bedroom. Sirius rubbed his neck, unsure of how to word his request, as Remus waited for him to speak.

It had only been two hours since Sirius had arrived at Remus's home under orders from Dumbledore to "lie low" there for a little while. Remus spent that time cleaning and attempting to fix up the guest bedroom while Sirius ate and showered. They hadn't taken the time to have a conversation - a real one, beyond cordial small talk - before both heading off to bed.

Now that Remus thought about it, the last time they had a real conversation was before Sirius was sent to Azkaban. Before, when everything was still whole and good. 

Before, when they were in love.

"I have nightmares," Sirius finally said, bringing Remus's focus back to him. "Voices, in my head."

Remus looked at the broken man in front of him with concern. "Voices?"

Sirius nodded. "When I was in...in there, Rem...you don't understand how bad it was." He sunk onto the bed, and Remus hurried to sit next to him. "All day I would just stare at the wall, pretending the shadows in my cell were you, James, Lily, Harry...anyone I could think of to keep me company. And at night...at night I could still hear your voices. Sometimes screaming, sometimes crying, sometimes begging me to hold on for another day."

Sirius had a far-away look in his eye, and Remus knew that his mind was back in his prison cell. Remus gently placed his hand on Sirius's back, bringing him back to the present.

"Even now that I'm out of there I still hear...things. The voices...they're different now. They all say that pretty soon...pretty soon they'll come back to get me." Sirius's voice got so quiet that Remus, with all his wolf senses, could barely hear the words that finished the sentence.

Sirius sat for a moment before turning to Remus with a forlorn look on his face. "Please believe me when I say that I'm not crazy."

Remus could no longer bear the lack of contact between them. He pulled Sirius into a hug, feeling the man tense before relaxing completely into the arms of his former lover.

"I know, Pads," Remus murmured, petting Sirius's hair as he held him. "I know. You're just...unwell. That's all. Just a little unwell."

Time vanished as the pair soaked in the comfort of their embrace. It felt like old times: familiar, loving, and safe.

"Can I...would you mind if I stayed in here tonight? With you?" Sirius whispered, pulling back to look at Remus's face.

Remus smiled softly. "Of course you can stay with me, Pads. I wouldn't want you anywhere else."

Remus moved to get under the covers. Sirius followed suit, but he left a considerable amount of space between them. He wasn't sure where their boundaries were anymore, or if there were any at all. He didn't want to push his luck.

"Sirius?" Remus said after a moment. "You can come closer, you know. I don't bite...at least not normally."

The men laughed at Remus's werewolf joke as Sirius scooted closer. Remus wasn't satisfied, however, so he reached out and pulled Sirius against him. Sirius, not expecting Remus's forwardness, was thankful for the darkness as he blushed.

"I'm sorry I'm so awkward, Moony. I'm trying, really. I just...I'm not sure how to be who I used to be."

Remus shifted so that Sirius's head was on his chest, his arms encircling the body he used to know so well.

"It's okay, Sirius. You're going to need time, and I'm going to help you through it. Just stay awhile and you'll see; we'll get back to that side of you."