Musically Yours // Wolfstar One-Shots

I Wanna Hold Your Hand - Part II

A/N new year, new (very depressing) part!! I tried a new format with this one and I think I really like it!! What do you guys think??

If hands can hold the universe, then where do black holes form?

Do they form in the doorways of broken homes? It sure seemed like it the day Remus stood in one, watching the love of his life get beaten as he screamed for Sirius's mother to stop. All they had done was hold hands out on the Blacks' front porch, but that was enough evidence for the cruel woman that crouched with a raised fist over her cowering son.

Do they form in the cracks that creep into the walls of crappy first apartments? They were all over the place, along with questionable stains and leaky pipes. Remus apologized profusely when Sirius visited for the first time. It was all he could afford , and he couldn't have been more ashamed. He knew Sirius was used to a different lifestyle - one that Remus would never be able to provide. Sirius held his face and kissed him more gently than ever before, swearing it was perfect anyways. Remus knew it wasn't anything close to perfect, but didn't bother contradicting. Sirius moved in soon after, spiking Remus's anxiety over not being able to give his boyfriend everything he deserved.

Do they form in the shredded heartstrings of torn-apart brothers? There was enough room between them for it. Sirius was positive his little brother would leave with him when he moved out; Regulus was positive Sirius wouldn't actually leave. Both were wounded by how wrong they were. Sirius said he hated the little brother who appeared to have followed their parents' bigoted ways, but Remus knew better. He knew Sirius was afraid for the boy who was still stuck in that house.

Do they form in the bag of shattered glass shards taken to the bin the morning after an argument? Sirius didn't mean to yell like he did, and Remus didn't really intend to push him like that. A beer bottle was knocked to the ground in the brief scuffle. Neither noticed at the time, too busy heating up their drunken argument to pay attention to anything but each other. They got close, so very close to each other as they argued over something that they couldn't even recall anymore. All Sirius could think about was the fire in Remus's glassy eyes as he stood right in front of him, waiting for Sirius to make the next move - so he did. He lunged forward, knotting his hands in Remus's hair and latching his lips to Remus's neck. Remus responded immediately, yanking Sirius's head up into a furious kiss. As they stumbled to their bedroom, a picture frame fell off the wall and crashed on the ground. Again, neither noticed until the next morning, after apologies were whispered, sore muscles were stretched, and the original problem that caused the fight was swept under the rug.

Do they form is the binary code that make the text messages you never want to find? Remus had only been looking in Sirius's phone for a picture of the two of them, nothing more. A text alert pinged and he glanced at it as he went to swipe it away. His brow furrowed at the words it held, so, looking up to make sure Sirius was still sleeping on their couch, he opened the text. His heart broke over and over again as he scrolled and tapped his way through messages from other guys whose names Remus never learned and who Sirius never mentioned, apparently for specific reasons.

Do they form in the embrace of two lovers who know life can never be the same? The couple fought, oh how they fought after Remus threw Sirius's phone at him and told him to get out. Remus yelled through his tears about loyalty and honesty, and all Sirius could do was sit there and take it as silent tears streamed down his own face. He tried to get up, tried to pull Remus into him, but Remus was having none of it. He shoved the silent man away and walked into their bedroom. He was a tornado as he destroyed every trace of Sirius he could get his hands on. Sirius watched from the doorway, stricken with guilt, until Remus collapsed on the bed in a fit of sobs. Sirius went to him then, scooping up the pieces of the man he broke and trying to hold him together. What was left of his heart crumbled to dust as Remus clung to him for the last time.

Do they form between the teeth of strained suitcase zippers that try to keep years worth of painful memories contained? Remus left the bulging, battered suitcase in the kitchen for Sirius to find, along with a note that possessed that rare quality where it was impossible to tell if it was harder to write it or harder to receive it. Remus made sure he wasn't there when Sirius got home. He wanted to avoid the confrontation that he knew would solve nothing, just like the last dozen times they fought before their breakup. Tears flowed from grey and amber eyes that day, and neither could comfort the other.

Do they form in the bent binding of painfully familiar books? A few weeks after moving out of the shared flat and getting his own place, Sirius went to the coffee shop he and Remus used to frequent. He wanted some normalcy in his bland days. As he waited for his order he perused their small book collection, freezing as he looked at a well-loved novel with the universe on its cover. He picked up the copy but couldn't find the strength to open it. Aristotle and Dante showed him the way to discover all the secrets of the universe, and he had thrown those secrets away like they were nothing. 

Do they form in the crystallized frost webs that grow on coffee shop windows? Two years later, after some traveling and soul-searching, Sirius returned to that same coffeehouse the minute he got back in town. He stopped short outside the icy window at the sight of the lanky, sandy-haired barista behind the counter. Remus looked up at the sound of the door opening, his usual greeting dying in his throat as he locked eyes with Sirius. They stared at each other for several minutes until the person behind Sirius cleared his throat. Without a word, Remus turned and started making a drink. Sirius stood awkwardly by the counter. Remus handed him his drink and took his money, counting the change as Sirius took a sip. A caffé mocha with extra chocolate syrup. "You remembered," Sirius murmured. "Of course I did," Remus replied quietly. Sirius flashed him a breathtaking smile before turning to leave. Remus left his shift that day with a lighter heart than he'd had since the day he kicked Sirius out. Sirius walked home with a ghost of hope in his heart, invited in by the faint glow of long-lost love he saw in Remus's eyes.

Do they form in the criss-crossed folds of crinkled McDonalds wrappers? Sirius continued to visit the shop frequently, eventually persuading Remus to come out for lunch with him. Weekly dates were quickly reinstated, just like old times. They would laugh and talk about everything that had happened during their time apart, falling into a familiar routine that Remus knew was dangerous. Sirius was knocking down the walls he had built since their breakup, and Remus was scared to death about it. He couldn't get hurt like that again.

Do they form in the wide spaces between the slats of metal park benches? They sat looking at the sunset on the bench where Sirius was the day they met, all those years ago. Sirius watched Remus as he stared at the sky above him. Trembling, he reached out his hand and hovered it over Remus's overturned one. "Can I?" he whispered. Remus looked away from the landscape and down at the terrified man sitting next to him, so similar to the boy who just wanted to hold his hand, once upon a time. He nodded slowly. They spent the rest of the night observing the park around them with warm hearts and warm hands.

No, Remus decided as he finished his contemplative walk and arrived at his destination. Black holes formed in the minds of drunk drivers. Life was breathed back into two lonely, broken boys during that sunset, and it was stolen from one of them on his motorcycle ride back home. Nothing - no matter, no feeling, no person -could escape the destruction caused by a drunk driver.

Remus crouched in front of the new gravestone, leaning forward to run his fingers over the freshly-cut words.

Sirius Black
You held the mysteries of the universe in your hands.