She Will be Loved (Completed)

Chapter 7

CHEN

It's been 3 weeks mula ng magkrus muli ang aming landas. Sa tatlong linggong iyon ay marami akong napagtanto sa aking isipan.

Naging malinaw sa akin na kailangan ko ng palayain ang sarili ko mula sa nakaraan. I don't have to be the prisoner of my own memories. Besides wala naman siyang maalala sa mga nangyari. That's a good thing na rin para hindi kami maging awkward sa trabaho.

Inayos ko ang aking sarili sa harap ng salamin. I curled my hair and put some light make-up on my face. Tinantya ko ang aking hitsura. Pasalamat na lang ako sa genes ni mommy at daddy. Dahil doon ay talagang may maipagmamalaki ako.

I looked at my wristwatch. It's already 6:25 PM. Sabi niya ay susunduin niya ako around 6:30 PM. Well it's okay dahil may 5 minutes pa naman. Bumaba na ako ng aking kwarto at pumunta sa living room. Wala si Dad ngayon. He is currently attending a Business Summit in Singapore. I sat in the couch and waited for my date to fetch me.

Yes I have a date tonight, with Kurt.

Nagyaya kasi siya last night and I can't say no to him because today is his birthday. Nakakahiya naman kung 'di ako papayag lalo na ng malaman kong wala siyang balak magkaroon ng birthday celebration. He just wanted to be with me.

Kurt has been a good colleague and a friend to me. He is sweet and caring. Wala ka ng hahanapin pa sa kaniya. He is an ideal man, but not for me. I love him only as a friend. Napakaraming beses ko na siyang sinabihan na tumigil na but he said he won't.

Titigil lang daw siya kapag dumating na ang babaeng para sa kaniya. But for now he will keep on persuading me. Baka daw kasi dumating ang araw na magbago na ang isip ko.

Yes, there is a possibility that my mind would change but not my heart. My emotions are far different from what I think. There's no such a good explanation kung bakit nagawa ko pa ring iligtas sa kamay ng batas si Yosef.

I could have tell to the police long time ago that he raped me and abuse me but I didn't. It's my mind that save him. It's my mind that forgive him but not my heart yet.

Lahat ng mga memories natin ay kayang mawala at makalimutan, like those people who have an amnesia. Pero hindi kayang ipaliwanag ng science kung bakit sa kasuluk-sulukan ng pagkatao ng isang pasyente na may ganitong kondisyon, may naaalala pa rin siyang mumunting mga detalye. I believe that it's our heart that works by that time.

We people are rational thinkers pero pag puso na ang ginamit natin, we became irrational. That's how things work with me. Eight years ago I let my own rapist escaped and live his life. Hindi ko sinunod ang sinasabi ng utak ko because I was too emotionally attached with him. And I couldn't imagine myself putting him into jail.

When it comes to Yosef, I always let myself ruled by my emotions. I wasn't thinking clearly and I don't even know the reason why. Siguro dahil na rin sa tagal ng panahon na magkasama kami noon or maybe because he is special to me.

Oo espesyal siya para sa akin na halos umabot na ako sa puntong ayaw kong masira ang pagkakaibigan namin dahil lamang gusto ko siya. That's my reason kaya nagawa kong mag-boyfriend ng iba. I want to divert my feelings for him. Natakot kasi ako noon na baka masira ng nararamdaman ko para sa kaniya ang pagkakaibigan namin. I don't want our friendship to end pero nangyari pa rin.

Our situation became more complicated than what I expect kaya ako na ang kusang bumitaw. I tried to forget my feelings but I failed. I couldn't force my heart to become rational and I couldn't even stop myself from longing him.

I hate him and love him at the same time.

My senses were awakend by the sound of a beeping car outside. It's Kurt! I immediately grab my purse bago lumabas ng pinto.