When You're Ready; Shawn Mendes

8. Memories

"Every single night my arms are not around you my mind's still wrapped around you."

•••

Avelyn

I've been home with my family for 4 months now. It's been such a stressful time, I've cried myself to sleep more times than I can count. Most days were better than others which gave me hope that my dad would pull through. I dreaded this day ever since I was a kid, when I became a teen it got worse.

I'd have these thoughts of what happens if my parents died? What would I do? My family means everything to me and I can't imagine my life without them. But I know we all die eventually, but I can remember as every year passed I knew my parents were getting older.

Closer and closer to the day where they are no longer here. And that absolutely terrifies me, because I know when that day comes I won't make it. I don't want to sound so dramatic but my parents really are my best friends. They've supported me and loved me even when I moved so far from them. We fight a lot and get mad but I would fight for them every chance I'd get.

Just even thinking about the what if's made me cry. I'd just start crying at the thought of them being gone. I truly feel like if one of them or even both were to leave me I'd break. I wouldn't be the same person, I'd be a complete mess.

So these past few months hurt so much, to see my dad in so much pain. Then to be helpless and not be able to take his pain away it hurts. And one thing about me is I just feel so guilty as if there's really something I can do. I then start stressing and crying and eventually fall into a anxiety attack.

This isn't how I pictured this year going but it is what it is. Shawn and I have kept our distance. It hurt but I think it was for the best, I did blame him and said things I shouldn't have. It's when you're in the heat of the moment and you allow your emotions to talk for you.

I know he has tour and I know he does interviews. I understand how busy he is, I always have I just let my thoughts get the best of me. I knew what came with dating him, it just happened to have started a couple of months too early. With tour and this I just feel like it was at the wrong time.

Nonetheless I should've texted, even when I know it wasn't fair to treat him the way I did. I just feel like we did need space, I needed to get my emotions under control and give him space. But times like today I wish he was here to lay down with me and just hold me.

I laid in my bed with one of his hoodies on, it smelled just like him. I closed my eyes and thought back to him.

"Come on Shawn we need to get up. It's four in the afternoon and we haven't done anything." I complained but couldn't keep a smile off my face.

I felt his warm breath hit the back of my neck, "That's the point of a lazy Sunday."

I turned around in his arms, which were wrapped around me as we laid on my bed. I turned so I looked at him and he just had his eyes closed but his smile was still on his lips.

"Yeah I know but one we haven't ate yet. And two I need to do laundry and clean." I told him.

Shawn opened his eyes and looked at me before pouting, "Do we need to get up?"

"Sadly. But if we get done fast we can come back to bed and watch any movie you want!" I tried to bribe him into helping me with my stuff.

He sighed, "Fine, I'll help."

"Thank you." I said before pressing my lips to his quickly.

Shawn loosened his grip on me which allowed me to get up. He followed my lead as we walked out of my room. I went to my laundry room and took out all the dried clothes and put them into a basket. I then put another load to wash before taking the basket out and putting it on the couch.

"You fold and I'll cook. And don't worry there's no undergarments." I told Shawn giving him his first task.

"Okay sounds easy enough." Shawn said still sounding unsure of himself.

I shook my head, it was just folding. I didn't tell him to sew me new ones. I went back to making us dinner, I decided on making Macaroni and Cheese with chicken. I started to prepare the chicken when I all of a sudden heard music playing. I looked over and seen Shawn connected his phone to my Bluetooth speaker.

He started to play Barcelona by Ed Sheeran. I loved this song, as I was cooking I found myself moving my hips to the song. A few songs later I got done making the food so I went to help him finish the folding. As I turned the island corner Angel Baby by Rosie and The Originals started to play.

This reminded me of my childhood, which always made me smile. I didn't know Shawn had downloaded it onto his phone though. I looked over at him and he set down the pants he was folding. He walked over to home and held out his hand for me to take.

I shook my head but had a big smile, I put my hand in his and he pulled me close. He picked me up so I could stand on his feet as we slowly swayed to the song. It was so cheesy but it made me happy nonetheless. Mostly to know that he knew how much I loved the song that it made him download it.

He then started to spin us which made me start laughing. He started to laugh because of me laughing which only made me laugh more. We settled down as the song ended and I felt really dizzy.

"You're a goofball." I told him as we went back to folding the clothes.

"Only for you." He said which made me laugh.

"And you're cheesy." I said before throwing a kitchen towel at him.

He caught it then folded it. We finished folding and then Shawn disconnected his phone. I served us dinner and we took it to back to my bed.

"So what are we watching?" I asked as Shawn sat on my bed.

"Back to the Future." He told me.

"Yes a favorite of mine!" I said happily.

"I know." He replied.

I looked over at him and smiled, "You're something else Shawn Mendes."

I started the movie before walking over to the bed. We sat next to each other as we ate our dinner and watched a classic. Nothing could beat a day like this, just being lazy with someone I adored. Even when we did chores together I enjoyed it.

I opened my eyes when I heard someone knocking on my door. I sat up and felt tears going down my face. I didn't even realize I was crying, I quickly wiped my tears away before getting up and opening my room door.

Authors Note//
Finally an update!!
Guys I finish my finals this Saturday and then I'm able to update!
Let me know what you think
Until Next Time Peace Lovelies✌🏼💚