When You're Ready; Shawn Mendes

12. The Video

"Why I have been gone."

•••

One Month; August

Avelyn

I had never been so nervous to make a video. I had been gone from YouTube for so long and so much had happen within the past few months. Especially the last month, but I was finally ready to film this video. Or so I thought I was, I had sat in front of the camera for an hour already and have said nothing.

"Just do it already." I whispered to myself.

I got up and pressed record on my camera. I then went back to sit down on my couch.

"Hi guys! Thanks for coming to watch my video I'm sure there's been a lot of rumors, suspicion, and questions. I've been gone for a long while now and finally I am able to sit down and tell you all where I've been and what has happened." I started.

I took a few seconds before continuing, "Many of you knew before I disappeared from YouTube I was going on tour with Shawn. Which was true, I was on tour with him but umm the first day during sound check I had gotten a call from my mom."

I started to feel overwhelmed with emotions. I hated to relive that day, the day that was supposed to be so amazing. I remember hearing my moms scared voice and then when she told me the news how it felt as if someone punched me in the stomach.

"I'm sorry," I said before taking another deep breath trying to push my emotions down, "I got a call from my mom telling me my dad got sick. Like really sick, and if you know me you know how much my family means to me. And to hear that it made me sick to my stomach and the only thing I thought was I needed to be there with her."

"So I had to leave before the show started. I packed up all my stuff and got on a plane, with the help of Andrew, and went back home to Arizona. I was so sad that I couldn't have been there for the first show. I knew how much it meant to Shawn and if I could, I would've been there. But he understood I had to be with my family." I explained.

I took a drink from my water that was on the table in front of me. In this moment I really wish I had someone here next to me or behind the camera. A familiar face that would make this video so much easier.

"I got home and it was the most stressful and heartbreaking time of my life. I hadn't had anxiety since I was 17 and it was so much worse this time. It got to the point where I was crying myself to sleep because I was so terrified. Terrified that one day I'd wake up and my mom would tell me my dad was gone." I could feel the knot start to form in my throat.

I wiped my eyes quick and started to fan my face, "Ugh sorry I'm not trying to seem dramatic or anything. This has really been an emotional and stressful past few months. My dad would get better one day and the next he'd be completely sick again. It was just a stressful rollercoaster and I knew I was just not in the right emotional state to be making fun and cheery YouTube videos you know?"

"I hadn't been home since my dad got sick. I was paying my rent for my home in Toronto but I wasn't living there. I even had the thought of moving back home because my money was going to a place I wasn't living in. I didn't even recognize who I was because I'm not a sad person. I'm someone who's positive and happy and I never like pushing my problems on anyone and the minute I felt like myself was when Camila came over and took my mind off of everything." I explained.

I took a deep breath, "So with that being said I'm going to clear up a couple things. One comment I've seen a lot has been, Where's Jaime? Why are you with Camila and not your best friend? You've gone Hollywood and forgot the people who were there before you got there. Guys Jaime is still my best friend! She lives in New York, she is going to college and can't afford to fly to Arizona to be with me whenever. I talk to her everyday, we FaceTime she can even vouch for this."

"Second people say how because I suggested the fact that I could go on tour with Camila as me using her. Guys Camila suggested I go on tour with her because she knew everything I was going through. She knew the stress, she knew how this was affecting me so she wanted to give me the chance to escape it. I in no way asked her or begged her to get me on her tour. I'm not even sure if I'm going to do it because I clearly need to figure my shit out. I need to get back to doing what I love and just find the positive happy girl I was." I said feeling annoyed.

Now time for the part that was going to cause so much shit, "Now for the last rumor or suspicion. Are me and Shawn still dating? No. But we were for the last few months, we were when all my posts with Camila were posted. We ended it a month ago a few days before he had his Arizona show. We did it face to face and it was emotional because Shawn and I do care about each other and obviously still loved each other."

"We still do care and love each other but now it's because we are friends. It was a decision we both knew was good for each other. We were just in different places and couldn't communicate at times because of timezones. We were busy and it's obviously an emotional time for both of us. We just realized it would be best if we ended it and remained friends. It wasn't because so and so was cheating or because the love was gone or because so and so was talking to other people. We just...knew it was the wrong time. Sorry if you thought there was drama or tea to spill but that's not what this video was about." I finished with a sense of relief.

I smiled, "With all of this being said I am back at home in Toronto. A week ago my dad got extremely better I mean I can't even tell you the sense of relief that came over my whole family. He was so much better that they said he'd be able to go home in another week. I came back because my mom told me to, she said that she'd call me if there was anything different." I laughed.

"It really was a miracle and my prayers have literally been answered. I am on my way to getting back to how things used to be and hopefully you all will be here for my videos and life. Because I can't wait to share more of my life with you all. So until next time byeee." I said dragging out the e.

I then got up and stopped the recording. I took off my camera from the tripod and turned off my light. I then grabbed my laptop and connected my camera to it. I then spent the whole day editing it and when I was finished I hesitated.

This was a very emotional and personal video and I wasn't sure if I wanted to share it with the whole internet. But it is what I know how to do, make videos. And it's what my friends and supporters need to know. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before letting it go. I opened my eyes and clicked post.

Then after a couple minutes it was posted.

Authors Note//
Oof I clearly love updating this book
Let me know what you think
Until Next Time Peace Lovelies✌🏼💚