When You're Ready; Shawn Mendes

11. The Talk

"I think I'm just saying what needs to be said."

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Listen to Running Low

Avelyn

A week after Camila left was actually not that bad. She took my mind off a lot of things. Those nights she stayed over I actually got to sleep and I didn't cry myself to sleep. I didn't find one ounce of stress and I was so thankful for that.

She mentioned about us going on tour for her tour next year. I said I'd think about it, it wasn't official at least I didn't know. I had too much on my mind and things to figure out still so I didn't know exactly where I'd be in a year. I told her I'd think about it but it would be fun, I went on tour with Shawn for a couple shows and I loved it.

So I knew I'd love going on tour with my best friend. Maybe I'd even be able to take Jaime and then it would really be a blast. But as for now I had a lot of things to figure out and sort out. The thought of moving back here crossed my mind.

I've been here for a couple months and still have a home in Toronto that I'm paying for but not using. I've been absent from Youtube which is my only source of income so I clearly needed to know what I was going to do with my life. I remember how a few months ago I was my absolute happiest, I was truly living my best life.

In another country, where my apartment was in a city I loved. A couple miles away from my incredible boyfriend. I was doing videos like crazy and then I was even across the sea on tour to support my boyfriend. I was on top of the world when it came to my happiness.

And then it came crashing down at my feet. I haven't been home, I haven't posted a video. I left tour because my dad became really sick. I've gotten the flu here and there, I have so much stress and anxiety. I'm pretty sure I'm losing my best friend who's my boyfriend. We haven't talked in months and it's all my fault.

So I sat in my old bed as my mom was at the hospital. My siblings had to go back to their jobs, but because of my job I could take it anywhere. But I just haven't posted one because I'm just not in the right state of mind to pretend everything is okay.

I looked at all my bills from my computer and I paid them all. I was also contemplating if I was moving or not. I didn't want to but I didn't know when my dad would get better. I closed the laptop before I got too stressed.

But it was too late, I started to stress and overthink everything. I started to think the worst and it only caused a knot to form in my throat. Soon my eyes filled with unshed tears and eventually they started to fall. Whenever I was really stressed it would mess with my emotions which made me cry easily.

But then I heard the doorbell ring, I thought it was my mom. She knew I was home and I was glad she was here. Whenever I had stress or anxiety all I needed to do was talk to my mom. She'd comfort me and tell me it would all be okay even if it wasn't but just hearing her say it made me feel so much better.

I turned the corner of the stairs and walked to the door. I unlocked it and opened it as I wiped my face. But it wasn't my mom, it was Shawn which took me by total surprise. But I realized he has his Arizona stop in two days.

"Shawn." I whispered as if I was imagining him being there.

He gave me a small smile, "Hi Ave, it's uh kind of hot."