When You're Ready; Shawn Mendes

15. Think

"I have a lot of figuring out to do."

•••

Listen to The Scientist but the cover done by Emily James

Shawn

It had been three weeks since I broke up with Avelyn. It wasn't something I had ever thought about doing. The moment I met the girl I knew she was different. She didn't want anything more than to just hear me call her my best friend. She didn't want anything else just that even if I didn't remember her later.

We then became best friends and I fell for this girl. I waited and watched as she dated one of my friends. I watched her be happy with someone who wasn't me. Then the moment came and I finally got the girl. Ever since she walked into my life she made me the absolute happiest. So why did it go wrong?

Because of me. I am messed up, I might not show it but I was. I was too insecure and fearful that we would break. That it was bound to happen because I was not capable of having a long distance relationship. It happened with my last girlfriend.

We just ended things because we wanted two different things. The distance became too much for her and she didn't want to follow me. Which I knew would be wrong to make her do if she didn't want to. So I let her leave, she slipped through my fingers and left.

Ever since I had never loved another girl. I told myself that I couldn't have the best of both worlds. I couldn't make someone wait for me across the world while I was always traveling. It wasn't fair and in the end would only allow the love to fade. I had my past reflect my future decisions and Camila made me realize that.

Though I could have tried to make it work I knew we just weren't at the same place. I couldn't make her wait for me, I wouldn't allow myself to. It also wasn't the first time I've pushed her away. I did it back when we were in Australia, at the hospital.

I know I hurt her back then and we weren't even dating. It's like history was repeating itself and I didn't want it to be an endless loop of it happening. I think I just needed time to realize what I was doing and what I wanted to do. Was she the one? If not then I can't keep hurting her. If so why am I still hurting her?

I sighed before heading over to my parents house. I was back in Toronto for my final shows. I pulled into their driveway before getting out of my Jeep and locking it. I headed inside after unlocking it with the spare key I had.

My parents were who I went to when I needed advice. I trusted everything they said or did. I walked into the house and found them sitting in the living room watching a movie.

"Shawn, sweetie what are you doing here this late?" My mum asked.

I walked over and sat across from them, "I need advice."

My dad paused their movie, "Did you get into some kind of trouble?"

I shook my head, "No, at least I think I didn't. I don't know maybe."

"Well you know you can tell us Shawn." My mum told me.

I nodded, "It's about Avelyn and I."

"What about you two?" My mum asked.

I never did tell them we broke up, "Uh we um stopped dating."