Losing All Control

Chapter 24

I sat next to Cam in the restaurant as we waited for Taylor and “his new” girl to show up. Cam kept talking to me but my mind was so focused on Taylor I could only offer muffled responses. There was a knot of anxiety is my stomach as I saw Taylor and the girl walk through the door. I hoped this fucking dinner was over quickly. 

Taylor and the girl slid into the other side of the booth. “This is Bridget,” Taylor said and nodded at the girl next to him. 

Cam reached over and shook her hand, “Nice to meet you. I’m Cameron, and this is my girlfriend Carson.” She looked at my expectantly, but all I could offer was a fake smile. 

They all started talking while I intently stared at the menu. Apparently she was in the grade below us and was absolutely shocked that she hadn’t met us before. I had to bite my tongue so as not to let a bitter sarcastic laugh out. 

Taylor was sitting right in front of me, so it was making it very hard for me to avoid looking at him. I looked everywhere but directly at him.

As the evening progressed Cam’s hand found his way to my thigh. At first it seemed like his hand was just comfortably resting there, until it began to inch it’s way higher and higher. I immediately excused myself and rushed off to the bathroom. 

I leaned against the sink and stared at myself in the mirror. The door opened and I looked over expecting to see some girl walk in, but it was Taylor.

“Taylor? What the fuck are you doing in here? This is the girl’s bathroom?”

He didn’t say anything he just looked under the stalls and when he saw that they were empty he walked over and locked the door.

Again I asked, “What the fuck are you doing?”

He looked at me for a moment before shaking his head. His eyebrows furrowed together as he waged a war in himself. “Taylor-“

He cut me off, “I can’t stop thinking about you.”

“What?” I whispered, suddenly out of breath. 

He started pacing. “I know it’s crazy, and I know it’s not right. But when Cam put his hand on you under the table I lost it.” He stopped pacing right in front of me. His eyes bore into mine. “I know he’s my best friend, but I can’t just sit by any longer and watch him date the girl I love.”

“Lo- What?” Even though my head was spinning a million miles an hour, I still couldn’t seem to catch up with what was happening.

He grabbed me and started kissing me. I melted into him with no resistance. As his hands ran up and down my body I knew that I loved him too.

And I knew what I had to do.

I pushed him off me and shook my head. “Taylor, no.”

He looked at me hurt and confused. I didn’t blame him. I had been toying with both his and Cameron’s emotions for too long. It wasn’t fair to either of them. 

I looked him straight in the eye and mustered up as much confidence as I could, “Nothing’s going to happen between us. Not now, not ever.”

I walked over to the door and unlocked it.

Taylor laughed bitterly. “So you’re just going to go crawling back into Cameron’s arms like none of this happened? You’re a fucking slut.”

I opened the door and walked out without looking back. I went over to the table and told Cam I wasn’t feeling well and wanted a ride home. He immediately agreed and threw down some money before leading me out of the restaurant. We drove home in silence. I wasn’t lying about not feeling good, I was definitely nauseous. We pulled into the driveway and Cam killed the engine.

“Cam, I want to break up.” 

His head snapped towards me, “What? Why? Did I do something wrong?”

I shook my head, “No, you didn’t. But I did.”I took a deep breath and kept going. I knew I had to do this. I knew I couldn’t be like my mom. “I cheated on you… more than once.”

The silence in the car was deafening. 

“I didn’t do it to hurt you, and I know that probably doesn’t make sense but I just hope that one day you can forgive me.”

“Who?” he asked.

I swallowed hard. My throat was completely dry. “You don’t know him, I met him through my mom.”

Cameron nodded slowly. “Well, ok. Maybe we can work this out? Find a way to move past this?”

I shook my head, “No, Cam we can’t. It’s not fair to you when I’m in love with him.”

He looked crushed. I felt so bad, but this was better than for me to continue to lie to him and lead him on.  

He nodded again. He was taking this better than I thought. He was such a good guy, why couldn’t he have been the one I was in love with? “You better get going,” Cam said, “You don’t want to keep your Mom waiting.”

I opened the door and got out of the car, “Bye, Cam.” I said and closed the door. He tore out of my driveway and didn’t look back.