The Fault in Our Infinities

Chapter 8: Peaceful Lucidity

"Where are you going?" Kaitlyn asks me, a bottle of unnamed booze in her hand. She lounges against a wall, a boy sat at her feet, his knees drawn up, muttering to himself. I'd say he's crazy, but I think he's just high.

"Out." I say.

"Good." She says, pushing herself upright. "I'm bored. I can come with you."

I backpedal, irritation shooting through me. Why is it so hard to leave the dormitory on a Friday night? The corridor is busy, music blaring through the walls. Every so often, someone trips and falls and then they just lay there, too drunk or high to move. The stench of cigarette smoke is strong, despite the 'No smoking' sign on the wall. My chest aches.

"No. No, I'm going to my parents'." I say. "They don't want a drunk, teenage girl turning up on their doorstep."

"I am not drunk." She slurs, waving her bottle at me. "This is my first drink."

"If there's even an ounce of truth in those words, it's been spiked." I tell her, pushing open the door. "See you tomorrow, Kaitlyn. Alive."

"I'm as alive as you'll get, baby!"

"You're alive...but you're killing yourself." I say, pointedly staring at the cigarette hanging from her fingers, burning softly. At my indication, she takes a draught, exhaling the smoke in my face, smirking cockily.

"Well, that was insensitive." I say neutrally. But I don't stay to hear a response. Instead, I push open the door and leave, inhaling the clean, cigarette-free air of the courtyard. I drag my oxygen tank along, feeling the vibrations run up the handle as it bumps over the grass.

The sky is a luxurious navy, the full moon shining like a beacon in the darkness. There aren't many stars visible, and there are few dark clouds loitering dangerously, but to me, it's the most beautiful night's sky I've seen in a while.

I'm not quite sure where I am supposed to meet Augustus, so I wait underneath the canopy of a tree, silent and listening. For a typical party night, the courtyard is almost empty. Across the way, two friends gossip with each other, flipping their hair frequently. I can't help my leer. Vapid Girls. Sheesh.

"Hazel Grace." I jump as Augustus drops from the branch of the tree, landing beside me. "You came."

He looks genuinely pleased, an authentic smile stretching across his face. In the darkness, his blue eyes are shadowed, but his kind light shines.

I reach over to him, flattening a stray piece of his mahogany hair. "Why were you in a tree?" I ask him. "You scared me to death."

He doesn't smile. "The death joke. Not funny."

"You didn't seem to mind when you were writing them on my note."

He grimaces, conceding. "Point."

We start to walk, keeping to the trees as we make our way to the college gates. Again, I ask, "What were you doing in a tree?"

"I sit there sometimes when I want to be alone." He replies quietly. "No one ever comes to the trees – they sit in the sun or on the benches."

"So no one knows you're there?" I ask, incredulous. "Ever?"

He casts me a sly grin. "Makes for good people-watching."

I shake my head despairingly, sighing. After a comfortable stretch of silence I ask, "Where are we going, tonight?"

"I just want to show you something."

"You said that last time, and dragged me up a cliff."

"I dragged you." He exaggerates his nod, smirking. "Kicking and screaming."