I know what I'm doing is wrong, she just got out of the hospital but she gave me permission. She granted me the permission to but she didn't mean it. I just needed the contact. "Shawn?" The poor girl who's only starting to learn that she can roam freely enters. The door shuts immediately after and my heart pounds. I feel terrible for what I'm doing to her, so what I've done. She sat in on the first day that she was home she said she wanted to watch, she didn't understand what sex was and the porn scared her. She wanted to watch something familiar so she watched me, us. I wish I never let her in the room she didn't deserve to see that. She's going to be scarred forever because of the way I pounded into the girl in the bed. I promise Melanie if she ever wanted to try I would love her, I tell her constantly and I don't love Ellie, I fuck her. She thinks it's funny because it doesn't make sense to her. She just doesn't see the appeal to laying naked for an hour being hit by my hard stick. She can't see the appeal of sweating all over each other and making marks that will last weeks. She doesn't see the point.
"Go home." I nod at Ellie, I'm not sure I'll ever call her back. I say that every time though I don't want her to come back but she's always around within a few hours. Melanie is always so uncomfortable, I know she is but I refuse to let myself realize. I don't deserve her. "Hi baby." I smile at her while she feeds our little boy. She was so excited about being able to breastfeed, it was one of the only things she wanted to do when she woke up from her coma. "What'd you need sweet cheeks?" I sit next to her rocking chair. She made sure that I'd gotten one. She just loves it, it's where she puts our baby boy to sleep.
"I, I was gonna," she looks over at me. "Umm." Her face goes blank and she completely forgets. I give her a pout and then I kiss her cheek, I give her a soft hug. She gets nervous around me, only around me. It's an awful feeling to know that my baby girl can't look my in the eyes without getting insecure. She hates it when I look her over even if I think she looks gorgeous I'm not allowed, I can't check her out like I always did and go hug her, hold her, or kiss her, I have to be in front of her. She needs to see me before I can do anything.
"It's alright sweets take your time." She looks away in fear, she can't look at me for too long or she develops this twitch and then she starts slurring her words and she can't communicate because she gets so scared. I scare her so much. "Look at our pretty little boy." I divert her attention and then I pull her closer. She's obsessed with him, the first words she said when she woke up we're 'we're naming him Ecstasy' she had no concern about wether or not he was around she knew he was. She named him, every single part of his name with the exception of one came from her. Ecstasy James Greyson Campbell Mendes, he gets the option to start school with whatever name he'd like.
"Hi baby," she holds him in front of her kissing his little cheeks. She loves him so much, he keeps her sane, he keeps her grounded, he helps her manage her fear.
"Let's go out for dinner? We're off to write the album tomorrow." I kiss her forehead. She looks over and gives me a smile.
"Can we go somewhere fancy?" She smiles looking down at her nails. She wanted so desperately to do them so we got our nails done together. She wanted me to paint mine blue for our baby boy so I did, we left him with my mom while we were out. "I wanna dress up." She giggles, I can't say no to that, her smile is prominent and beautiful.
"Of course we can love. We can do whatever you want." She'll probably suggest cuddling the minute we walk back through the door and I wouldn't mind if that's what she wanted to do. I just wanna be around her.
"When we get back, can we," She pauses catching a glimpse of my eyes. She got scared again, I'm scaring her again.
"We'll decide when we get back." I nod as does she giving a smile. She kisses our baby Ecstasy's little cheek and looks at me.
"Can you get him dressed? I wanna find the perfect outfit?" I do my best but I find myself looking her anyways. She's just so beautiful and I can't get over it.
"You already look perfect." I smile leaning forwards slowly. She smiles and gives me the kiss I was hoping she would. She isn't great with kisses, especially not after I've done something to make her uncomfortable.
"Get him dressed." She hums looking over the baby boy. "When he's ready come bring him to our room." She hands him to me. "You get to help me choose my outfit."
...
She feeds the young child staring at her own meal alarmed by the flashing lights outside. She can't stand it. I wish I could stop it for her but every time I stand she pulls me back, I've been trying to shield her. They know about Ecstasy now and Melanie too I wanted to keep them secret. She really wanted to go out though and I haven't seen her so excited I a while. "Baby girl they're bothering you, let me go and just." She shakes her head leaning against my shoulder. She really doesn't want me to go out and potentially ruin my reputation to make them leave so that my baby girl is less uncomfortable.
"We're fine, Ecstasy's asleep I'll put him back in his seat and you and me will enjoy our time even with the flashing lights." She hands me the tired baby who I'm expected to lay in the car seat.
"Is it good baby?" I smile when she finally gets to eat. I sat and waited but she started feeding me little bits while Ecstasy was nursing.
"It's perfect."
...
The second we stepped through the door I locked myself in the bathroom, she put Ecstasy to bed. She just looked so pretty tonight, I couldn't stop it and I don't wanna scare her so I locked myself in the bathroom so she can't see it. I don't know how to get rid of it. "Shawn, come here for a second?" She gives a seductive giggle and then a gentile moan. I try and hide it, as much as I can so I can do whatever she needs from me.
"Yes honey?" I open the door walking stiff like a board moving carefully over to the bed where she lay. I stop just shy of where she is and she smiles up at me.
"I'm not wearing any clothes right now." She pulls me towards her. "Wanna see?" She's being so sweet with it, she's truly the most pure thing I've ever met. She's trying to hard to be sexy and seductive.
"Sure." I chuckle pressing a kiss against her lips. She moves the sheets exposing her naked body, I didn't expect her to be naked no matter what she told me I figured she'd still have clothes on. "Oh." My eyes fall wide and my hand falls over my crotch which I can't control. It tightens and then stops and then, "oh my god." She looks so horrified by my actions and slowly she raises my shirt to see what's happened. "I'm so sorry, princess. I didn't mean to." I look at the look of terror in her eyes, she's mortified, she's completely and utterly terrified, of me.
