I drop the final bunch of rose petals on the ground setting the glasses of wine on the nightstand. I figured we could talk first and then get into it. She likes intimacy but the conversations we have before and after are always the best. They are always so meaningful and nice and calm. When she's stressed out we have those types of conversations which ultimately lead to sex. "Are you ready?" I give a smile walking into the bathroom to see her in tears. I peck her forehead and fall to my knees next to her. "Baby girl, what's wrong?" She cries sometimes but she's never usually like this. She's never looked so sad and disappointed.
"I can't do this." She shakes her head at me she has a slight glimpse of the bedroom and all of the rose petals. "I'm so sorry." She kisses my cheek. As much as I hate it I will pretend to understand for another night and hope to forget the desire otherwise. I desperately need a release, she's not the only one that was affected, she had it a lot worse than me but I felt pain too. I'm not emotionless and I could've lost my family to that plane crash they don't seem to understand how serious I am. "It looks really nice." She nods trying to stand. I have to help her because she's not yet learned how to stand on her own. "I know you were excited." She dries herself mostly and then falls into my arms. She's mainly dry.
"I was hoping that we'd get to do it tonight, but it's alright, I'm tired though can we go to sleep?" She gives a sad nod. She thinks I'm mad that she won't let me have sex with her. I am a little angry that she's being so picky but it's also her choice and I won't force her into anything.
"I'm sorry babe, this looks amazing." I wanted to have her in a state of euphoria, I wanted her to feel like she never has, I wanted to give her everything she deserves for all of these fucking messes and I can't. I can't even give myself any pleasure at all or she'll wake up and cry. She feels bad if I touch myself so I can't touch it at all.
"I tried to make it special." I drink the glass of wine sitting there and she sighs kissing my shoulder.
"I'll make sure it's great when I finally agree. It'll be as pleasurable for you as humanly possible." I'm starting to doubt that she'll ever agree to having sex. She doesn't like that idea she doesn't want me to see her naked, she doesn't want me to see her lack of appendages, she hates that I'll have to look at it. I hate that it makes her feel so self conscious. She's supposed to share all of that with me. "I'll try and start now." She nods she feels bad about the events that have gone on. I spent hours trying to make this all perfect for her and now here I am trying to clean it up without embarrassing myself. She deserved the utmost romance and I tried to give that to her. She however decided while sitting in the bath that she wasn't sexy enough and until she thinks that she is I need to respect her space and keep a healthy distance.
"What are you planning on doing? Because there is no way that I'm doing anything just to get shut down again." She presses a pity kiss against my lips and sighs softly. "It's embarrassing." I've never told so many people about my sex life and suddenly it's all a lie.
"I didn't mean to embarrass you, I'm sorry." She scoffs slightly but she also has such pity in her voice she feels bad that she's only now realizing that I didn't feel the best about the whole event. She didn't realize that maybe I'm not embarrassed by the missing leg but
"I just wanted the night, Ecstasy is with my mom because I thought maybe then you could have fun without any worries." She worries so much about everything that she ended up crying and said no to any form of activity that could've made her feel better.
"I'm sorry." She begs pulling me back. Her lips press kindly against mine and sighing. "I know you wanted to get close tonight but thank you for respecting my wishes." She lays me down. Her hands cup my cheeks and she tries to sit me up partially and lays me down against the pillows. "We can make out for hours?" She nods making me sigh. I nod anyways, if it's as close as I'm getting I'll take it.
"Can I ask why?" I beg slightly bringing her on top of me arranging us both the way that she was so desperately trying to.
"Why I want to kiss you?" She giggles making my eyes roll.
"Why you're so afraid to sleep with me?" I kiss her again, her lips are nice.
"You don't need to see me like this, I'm not ready for you to see me like this." My eyes roll there are things for her to put over it, and she'll be covered by blankets I just don't understand what she's waiting for.
"Alright." I nod, she doesn't have logical reasons so I'll just ignore them and try to forget about it.
"Touch me," she whispers moving my hands over her body. "Don't be afraid." I don't have a reason to, the whole point of me touching her is the fact that I know that it's going to go somewhere. This won't get anywhere.
"I'm not afraid for you, I'm afraid for me Melanie." I groan ending the kiss. "I only touch you when it's going to escalate and it won't so I'm not touching you, I'm going to leave you and your body to do its own thing." I lay her gently on the bed next to me.
"Ok." She nods sadly hugging me from behind. "Goodnight my love, sleep well." She smiles kissing my cheek. "I love you." Her leg falls over my hip and she holds onto my chest.
"I love you too." I sigh, I hate that I say it but I feel horrible if I don't. I do love her, I love her so much that not saying it hurts me so I say it every time. "Goodnight Melancholy."
...
"How was your night," my mom smiles while I collect my son things. I left Melanie at home because I couldn't deal with her I'm still not happy about last night and everything she says makes me more angry so she volunteered to stay and I made no arguments. "Did she agree?" She teases and I shake my head grabbing my son.
"She didn't want to, she got scared." I sigh kissing Ecstasy's cheek. The poor boy just wants to cuddle and I'm not in a very cuddly mood. I'll give him to Mel, she'll cuddle him. "I would've come to get Ecstasy but it was so late." I explain giving a nod while I lift his car seat.
"It's fine, I love your little monster." She smiles while my dad walks out smiling at me.
"Leaving so soon?" He teases and I nod kissing my boys head yet again.
"I have to get back to Mel, she's still at home." I nod putting Ecstasy in his seat. It makes him cry but I'm done with this cuddling thing.
"Darling let me keep him a little longer." My mom gives a sad sigh reaching out for the boy.
"I've got him, it's fine." I nod walking towards the Tesla, I got her the car as a push present but she didn't really want it. Instead I use it so that the car stays for when she does eventually want it. Aaliyah has my Jeep. "Ecstasy!" I groan dropping the seat in the car. He wails in fear and I sigh lifting him out of the car seat. "I'm sorry." I pout hugging him into my chest. The poor thing, I forgot about how little he is. "You're okay, you're okay." I hum holding him against my shoulder.
"Get in love, I'm drive you home." Mom smiles kissing my cheek and then that of my son. "It's hard to be patient all of the time, I understand. But you also need to be patient when there's a baby." She explains while I climb into the back seat clipping in Ecstasy's car seat I hold him on my chest and sigh while he wails his little irritating baby wail. Aaliyah was gonna come over so maybe my whole family will hangout.
"Sorry love I thought I was driving," dad smiles sitting himself in the passengers seat.
"We'll make you dinner and keep you two company, and Ecstasy can hang out with us while you two do whatever it is that you two do now that you're on a sex ban."
