I cuddle my son tightly under the blankets in the apartment I've rented but can't sleep in. It hurts me to lay here at night thinking that Mel is comfortable in our bed, but with another man. It's hard enough to think that Mel still stays in the condo. I've gone to the building a couple of times to try and get my things but every time we get close to it Ecstasy squeals and giggles about how we're finally home and how mama is missing him and i just drive away. I drove down there once while he was asleep but I saw Mel and Mark kissing on the balcony. I almost drive myself off of a bridge but then Ecstasy woke up and I just felt horrible for injuring my son, or leaving him behind to go back to his mama who would never love him as much as she'll love the child she has with Mark. "Cold." he whispers. He hates it here, he tries to refuse sleep but he gets so tired, most night I just have to drive around for hours to get him to sleep for at least a little while. "Home." He pleads. It's warm there and his mama cooks us good food, and he has his own room and he doesn't need cuddle into my chest underneath 6 duvets to keep warm.
"Should I call mama?" I sigh, maybe he can just spend some time with her and i'll give up the apartment and stay with my parents until I can find something more permanent for me and my son. "Maybe mama will let you go home and cuddle with her." I love him to pieces so I could give him to Mel for a few days just to make him happy. I grab his carseat and prepare him to go. Mel will probably answer crying and tell me she would love to see our little bean. "Hello?" I question the unknown number.
"She needs you." A distraught voice sighs into the phone. "I'm not a father Shawn I'm not cut out for it, and Melanie just went into labour I cant be here anymore." The voice soon fades into nothing and the call dies before my phone rings again. I'll be getting calls all night if that one was what I think it was.
"Shawn? Baby I'm so sorry to only call you to ask for something." She's cut off by a loud growl in pain and then a soft scream that I know has our little ecstasy worried off of his chair. "Mark is leaving us behind, and I can't do this alone. I always wanted you at my bedside." She screams again and Ecstasy starts panicking because we're not moving fast enough.
"I'll come for support." I reassure. She needs me and though I'm angry, upset, and frustrated with her I will go and I will be there in her time of need. "We're leaving now I'll be there in ten minutes."
...
"What are you going to name her?" I smile down at Mel trying my best to be supportive but witnessing her hold her baby and look so much happier than she did when Ecstasy was in her arms makes me so angry. I want her to feel the same pain and hurt and confusion for Marks child as well. I feel like the only person in the world who this has happened to. She looked disgusted by her own son.
"I was thinking you could help me, that way when you and Ecstasy come back home she will feel a little more like yours." She gives a smile all content and warm looking. It makes me sick.
"She isn't mine, never was never will be. You asked me to come for support and I want to move back into my condo, that doesn't mean we're back to normal." I shake my head sighing at the peaceful way Ecstasy's fallen asleep in Ben's lap. I just want my son back. I want to take the same happy baby boy to the new place we'll call home but he doesn't want to see it that way. Maybe he'll understand when he gets older.
"Do you have any suggestions?" She grabs my hand softly bringing me towards her and her daughter a little bundle of joy. For Mel. I begged for years to one day have a little girl of my own to love and to nurture. "I want to give her a strong name and you picked most of our sons?" She hums kissing my knuckles. I want to be laying next to her kissing her cheek and begging to hold the baby. But I didn't make her so I'm not going to try and assume this role in her child's life.
"Didn't you and Mark ever talk about names?" I roll my eyes but she sighs. She just wants me to be as excited for this baby as she is. But I can't be this excited about a constant reminder that my girlfriend was unfaithful.
"I think I know what I'm going to name her." She nods. She didn't need any help or opinions really, but she wanted me to feel included in the naming of the child she's going to try to make me love.
"I think me and Ecstasy will head home, he's had a rough night." I nod looking between her and the baby she's holding. "I love you." I whisper kissing her forehead.
"Really!" She gives me a joyous smile and pulls my head down towards hers. "I love you too!" She smiles rubbing our foreheads together. She's going to sit her awake all night fantasizing about how she's going to get me back but it won't work. I don't want to be with her. I do love her, every last cell in her body I love with all of my heart. But that still isn't enough to make up for the fact that she was unfaithful.
"I have a date tomorrow." I sit down on the bed next to her. She wants me to stay, she wont let go of my hand. "She seems like a really nice girl." I explain and suddenly the room is empty not even Ben our sleeping son remain.
"Please don't go?" She whispers pulling my head against her shoulder. "You love me. We can work this out. I'll do better this time." She nods making me sigh again.
"Today will now forever be known as your daughters birthday, but do you know what day it was supposed to be?" I clench my fists staring down at this gorgeous little girl that I just couldn't ever look at the same as anyone else.
"It wasn't today, it was tomorrow I had it marked on the calendar." She objects until I show her the date and the time.
"This was supposed to be a special day for me too." I give her hand a gentile squeeze before I restart my story. "I have a date tomorrow, she seems really nice."
