"Mama?" Ecstasy begs on my shoulder when I grab him from Geoff. Mel wanted to stay at the hotel and I told her it was fine, she was tired and I didn't want to force her to do anything. I didn't know Ecstasy would be like this. I have a show to finish and he can't go a second without being held. "Mama please?" He nods and I sigh looking out in the audience hoping for her to show up so I can hand him off but she's not there. She probably fell asleep, it's really late and the time differences are crazy to her. Ecstasy has a hard time with it to but apparently not today, today he's wide awake and he won't let me forget it.
"Mama's not here babe." Half of the crowd awes while I kiss his cheek the other half stays silent. I can't end the show because of Ecstasy but I can't please everyone if he's around. "Can you go sit down please." I cuddle him brushing my hand over his head his hair is so soft and nice, his mama keeps it that way. "Maybe you can go back to the hotel?" I hand him to Geoff and he starts to kick and scream, no one else in the whole arena makes a sound. "Please babe." He whines and I sigh taking him into my arms. This was not a part of my plan but we can have him stand next to me when I sing and we can hopefully keep him quiet with the songs. "Why are you so sad?" I hold him and sway looking all around hopeful to see my girlfriend.
"Put him backstage! You won't hear him through your earplugs!" Someone screams earring one collective gasp from everyone else and then sudden chatter.
"I wanna finish the show for you guys, I do but with comments like that I don't know if I can. I have a responsibility to my son." I kiss my baby's head and he looks around in horror and shame. I feel horrible for everyone and I feel awful for Ecstasy. "He's obviously very anxious and upset it's my job to fix that." He looks around at all of the shocked faces and bursts into tears again.
"Sorry." He sobs searching for anyone to take him so I can still play for all of these sad looking people. He loves looking at how happy I make everyone and he feels horrible for this. "So sorry." He slides out of my arms and runs as fast as he can into Geoff's arms sobbing harder than I've ever seen. The crowd erupts in cheers but playing the rest of the show seems impossible to me. I can't just leave my little boy to fend for himself.
"I, um," I stare at him Geoff carries him away and I don't even know where. "I guess I keep going."
...
"It took me three hours to get him to sleep." Mel hushes when I walk into the room. The concert went log because all of the fans were screaming and yelling because I wasn't paying enough attention to the songs. I'm gonna have my whole team on my ass about this concert but those fans weren't what I thought they were or would've been. "How was your show." She hugs me softly turning on the warm water. A hot shower sounds amazing at the moment. I'm tired and I'm greatly considering quitting music. They're making it hard for me to continue.
"They were so rude to Ecstasy." I shake my head letting her strip me down. It's relieving to feel her hands all over me, it's relieving to feel the steam of the bathroom hit my skin, it's relieving to know that in a few seconds I'll have my fiancée in the warm shower with me while I try to melt the worries.
"It was supposed to be their night babe, I get where they're coming from." She kisses my neck and I sigh.
"He's my baby, he is my priority, he is my life. If he isn't happy then I'm not either. If I'm doing something that makes him upset then I'm cutting it out of my life." Our sweet little boy pushes open the door we barely closed and drops his blanket on the ground. He holds his arms up and gives me a weak, weak smile.
"Sorry." He whispers hoping I can find it in me to hug him back. He's worried I'll stop loving him, he does it every time I get angry. He's become very good at apologizing because no matter what I'm angry at he thinks it's his fault and he cries. He gets nervous and curls up in a ball on his mamas lap and waits until I'm calm so he can apologize. He just doesn't ever want me to stop loving him and he thinks that will be the result of my anger.
"It's not your fault sweetie." I shut off the running water pulling my boxers up I'll cuddle with him, maybe Mel will cuddle with us and we'll have a nice sleep all together. "You didn't do anything wrong." I lay him on his bed of pillows. He needs a lot of support to sleep so we give him lots of pillows to sleep on. He just snuggles them and sleeps. He falls into a deep sleep when he gets the right amount of support.
"Love you." He whispers. It melts my heart to watch my baby grow, and learn to talk to us, soon he'll be able to maintain conversations.
"Daddy loves you too." I kiss his cheek. He's a happy boy, until someone in the family is unhappy.
"I'm sure Ecstasy is never going to let that happen again?" She looks at the boy who's head nods faster than anything I've ever seen.
"He can cry." I kiss his head again. "I told him he could always have cuddles, he just wanted cuddles." I lay him down laying next to him. He turns to me laying on my body instead of the pillows. He likes to sleep on me, him and Mel both. Mel says it's because I smell good, Ecstasy just giggles when I ask him.
"You stole my spot!" Mel giggles at the sleepy little thing. He's exhausted after tonight and I am too. We're flying out early in the morning so I'll try my best to let them both sleep through it but I know Mel is going to be awake, she'll probably be the one to wake me.
"Sorry." He whispers rolling over so he's back on his pillows. He shivers and Mel just looks sickened by how our little boy is reacting. He would usually giggle and cling tighter onto me but he's so worried about hurting anyone else after the show that he's willing to give his mama all of his warmth.
"I was just kidding babe, you take that spot ok?" She lays him on top of me but suddenly he doesn't want my cuddles.
"No," he shakes his head searching for his blanket. He left it in the bathroom.
"I'll go get it love." I kiss his head all around and give him his favourite blanket. It's a Shawn Mendes blanket but Mel cut out the design only so that it isn't so big on him. She has three more for when he outgrows this one but she plans on keeping it forever. "We love you baby." I lay it down on top of him. He lets out a gentile snore and I look over at his mama. She's just as shocked as I am.
"Our poor boy." She massages his head gently earning a smile. "He's broken."
