"you know when you're drowning, you don't actually inhale until right before you black out. the instinct to not let any water in is so strong that you won't open your mouth until you feel like your head's exploding. then when you finally do let it in that's when it stops hurting. i'm fine. yeah, aside from the not sleeping, the jumpiness, the constant, overwhelming, crushing fear that something terrible is about to happen."
"it's called hypervigilance. the persistent feeling of being under threat."
"it's not just the feeling though, it's... it's like it's a panic attack. you know, like i cant even breathe."
"like you're drowning?"
"yeah."
"so, if you're drowning... and you're trying to keep your mouth closed until that very last moment... what if you choose to not open your mouth, to not let the water in?"
"you do anyway, it's a reflex."
"but, if you hold off, until that reflex kicks in, you'd have more time, right?"
"not much time."
"but more time to fight your way to the surface."
"i guess."
"more time to be rescued."
"more time to be in agonising pain. did you forget about the part where you feel like your head's exploding?"
"if it's about survival... isn't a little agony worth it?"
"what if it just gets worse? what if it's agony now, and then it's hell later on?"
*third person*
wyatt's fist collided with adrian's nose, causing blood to immediately start pouring out. adrian ran at wyatt but he dodged just in time.
"look, i don't wanna fight. can we jus-" the noodle haired boy was cut off by adrian shoving him onto the ground angrily. wyatt groaned slightly, not used to this kind of pain. ignoring his aching wrist that could have been possibly broken due to the impact of the fall, he got up off the floor. he wanted to beat the crap out of his best friend's dad, in fact, he wanted to kill him, but he restrained himself. he didn't know what to do. he knew that if he tried 'talking it out' with adrian, how would it fix things? what could he say to help the situation? adrian obviously wasn't going to just let things go and go to jail for abusing his daughter. he had different plans.
"you don't wanna fight, huh? fine. i won't force you. i'll be nice enough to give you two options," adrian walked closer to wyatt, who was slightly trembling even thought he was trying to look strong. "you either walk out of here, go home and pretend like nothing happened. you won't say anything, and i mean anything, to anyone, and you stay away from my daughter. or, i'll snap your neck right here, right now."
wyatt looked down at the floor, "you won't hurt me if i leave?"
"as long as you don't try anything, i won't."
wyatt nodded and turned to the bedroom window. adrian smiled to himself, scoffing at the boy's coward-like behaviour.
rose's heart was slowing down as she struggled to breathe properly. her whole entire body was pounding with pain. at this moment, she wished she was dead. her best friend was never really her best friend, her dad abused her, her mother was a drug addict who died a few years earlier, and nobody actually ever cared for her. she knew that, as selfish as it sounds, she would be happier if she joined her mother. no more faking a smile, no more worrying, no more pretending, no more living. everything would just be better. as blood made it's way down her ribs, the memory of when she and wyatt first met flashed in her mind.
"mum, please. i really don't want to go inside," rose pleaded her mother, who knocked on the door of the kids area which was called the 'HQ' on the ship. she ignored her. a brunette with shoulder-length and brown eyes opened the door with a smile on her face, "hi. what can i do for you?"
"i'd like to sign the form for my daughter to go inside," emily, rose's mother, smiled.
"sure. let me get that for you," the lady walked back inside and grabbed a sheet of paper.
"i don't need friends, mum. i have george back at home. he's great company."
"he's a dog, rose. you need friends. no offence."
rose huffed and rolled her eyes, "if i have an anxiety attack, it's on you."
"here you go. oh, by the way, i'm winona. you may want to know that if you're gonna be coming here often," the woman gave emily the form, along with a pen.
"thank you," emily filled everything in and returned the sheet back to her. winona scanned the paper, then smiled, "alright! you're free to come and go whenever you like. if you ever need anything, i'll be over there," she pointed at a desk at the back of the room, "but if i'm not there, then joe should be there. joe has brown hair that makes him look like he's from the 80's. anyways, come inside. i'm sure you'll make plenty of friends."
rose hesitated to follow winona inside, but her mum softly pushed her inside, "go on, rose. have fun."
rose was so pissed at her mother, she just wanted to stay in her room on the cruise and read gay fan fictions of her favourite ship. but no, she couldn't even do that.
"there's plenty of things you can do in here. you can play the wii, challenge someone with table tennis, fußball or air hockey, karaoke, or you can just talk. the other room is for the other kids, like 15 year olds and older, so i advise you to not go in there. especially when joe is on duty, because he's very protective of the kids here. at certain times we run little activities like movie time, teen feud, and other things. here's a timetable for the rest of the week," she handed rose a piece of paper that had 'HQ activities' as the title and a bunch of other stuff. "keep in mind, the boys can get out of hand. the girls can too, but it's mainly the boys. joe and i will handle it, so there's no need to worry if it does happen. enough talking, let's get to the fun stuff. we don't have any activities on at the moment, so you can do whatever you like. we will have a table tennis tournament in..." she checked her watch, "45 minutes. in 15 minutes you can sign up if you want to be part of it. i'll leave you alone now, have fun," winona smiled and walked over to the desk she pointed out earlier. rose stood there awkwardly, glancing around the room. her heart was racing as a few people looked at her with weird expressions. there was a tap on her shoulder and she slightly jumped, but turned around to face a boy.
"hi, i'm wyatt. um, i saw you walk in and you looked really nice. like, personality wise! sorry, that sounded creepy. oh god, now it sounds like i'm saying you're ugly. you're not ugly. you're pretty. what the hell is wrong with me," he blushed and looked down. rose giggled and smiled, "thanks. it's okay, i get what you mean. i'm rose."
wyatt looked back up and grinned, "i like that name. roses are pretty. it's the perfect match. now it's like i'm flirting. i'm only 10 years old, that's gross. wait, how old are you? please don't tell me you're 13 like everyone else!" he pouted.
"i just turned 11 last week," rose blushed.
"cool! i'm turning 11 in a month. we're the same age," wyatt fist pumped the air. "you already seem cool and we've barely talked! wanna play table tennis with me?"
rose eagerly nodded and followed him to the other side of the room, where the table was set up.
"i'm so good at table tennis, i will smash you," wyatt smirked cockily, making rose scoff, "don't get cocky on me, weirdo."
oh, how rose missed those days. only if she could do it all over again.
