Sina Saves

Chapter 6: Friends and Regrets

Everyone was buzzing around at breakfast, and the tables had small huddles around them. Capture the flag always caused that. After breakfast, Nico and I found Clarisse and started talking to her about capture the flag. I never got as excited about winning as most of the campers; I just liked practicing in more battle-esc situations.

After that, I decided to find Lacy. She was like my little sister, was with me when Rachel gave me the prophecy, and was probably scared. She deserved to know. I found her and explained what little we knew and tried to sound sure if myself. She tried to put on a brave face, but I knew she was scared. She had been through the Giant's War, and I think some part of her was scared of something to that degree happening again. I put my hand on her shoulder and squeezed it lightly. She looked at me like Mr. D had called Percy "Jackson" instead of Johnson. It took me a second, but this was the first time I'd touched her when we weren't training.

[I have a thing about people touching me and don't like touching other people. Part of it is germaphobia and the other part is just lack of trust and not liking it. Nico, Will, Frank, Hazel, and Reyna are the only people who are allowed to touch me without permission. Mitchell used to as well but clearly not anymore.]

I gave her a small smile. At that moment, Mitchell came over to talk to Lacy. I stared at him for a second before looking away so he wouldn't notice, wouldn't sense the regret. "Anyway, I'm going to be okay. Don't worry about me," I said sincerely.

I started to turn away when Lacy said, "Sina?" I turned back to her, and she cautiously asked, "Can I hug you?" For a moment, part of me wasn't sure. I was a little scared. Yeah, I was scared of a freaking hug. Don't judge me.

"Yes, Lacy," I answered slowly. She immediately wrapped her arms around me. It took me a moment to feel comfortable.

"I'll miss you," she cried.

"I'll miss you too."

"Iris message me if you can."

"I will," I promised.

"I'll keep training everyday."

"Lacy, I'm not going to die. You don't have to worry about me," I assured her after she released me. I left quickly and carefully examined the shoelaces of my combat boots as I walked past Mitchell. I doubt he even glanced at me; I doubt he looked down. I couldn't help but remember when it had been nice with him and when it hurt.

Why did this happen every damn time I saw him. Why did I want one last hug, one last kiss on the cheek for luck before capture the flag? I was certain I never wanted him back after he yelled at me like that. I didn't want to tell him what happened to me before I went to Camp Jupiter, and I had the right to. I didn't want him to think I was broken or going to break. I didn't want the pity or having to wonder if he stays with me because I'm a charity project.
He screamed like my stepfather did that night. I told him I wanted him out of my life. I meant it then, and Left Brain still does.
Right Brain: You don't mean that. You never did.
Left Brain: No. We meant it. Why do you think different?
Right Brain: I don't know. It's just something about him. We can't afford to lose him. We regret it for a reason; we miss him for a reason.
Left Brain: We miss someone like him. Otherwise, that doesn't make sense. He was a detriment to us.
Right Brain: But when have we ever 'made sense'? Over the course of our human existence, one thing consists of consistence and it's that we don't 'make sense'. You don't think what I think. You don't see what I see.
Left Brain gets angry and storms off.
Right Brain sits in the corner and fumes about Left Brain.
After that, Depression and Anxiety step forward uncontrolled and run things.
Meanwhile, all the random thoughts all flip from this and that to:
It's your fault.
You caused this to happen.
You should have been more trusting.
He loved you; you ruined it.
Your own damn fault.
He was there for you.
He wouldn't have left you.
You left him.
He did everything for you. You blamed him for how you were feeling.
You hurt him.

I shuffled down to the Demeter cabin and looked around. I knocked on the door and heard a familiar voice scream, "It's open!" I walked in to see Meg laying on the floor growing a tiger lily with her powers. I immediately thought of my mom; tiger lilies were her favorite flower. I shoved that thought back to the filing cabinet of memories I loved but hurt.

Meg looked up at me. "Mitchell again?"

"Yeah," I admitted and shifted my weight between my feet.

"Forget about him. He's not worth your time; move on," she said simply and looked back down to her flower.

"You're right, but still...it's hard," I said, words failing me.

[That's the one bad thing about having a bestie named Meg McCaffrey; she gives you the painful truth and doesn't really understand how things feel. She knows it hurts a lot, but not how it hurts and how much. It takes a lot for me to get attached to someone, but when I do, I love them a lot. It's part of just being me, I guess; or at least that's what Piper, Lacy, and even Mitchell told me.]