Sina Saves

Chapter 15: Feelings

Eventually, something interesting happened.

Reiner came back one evening, exhausted as usual. His hair was wet, so I figured he had showered after training. "Darling," he said with a smile. I stood from his bed and approached him. He put his warm hand to my face for a moment before entangling it in my hair. "I have to leave tomorrow, but I'll be back soon."

My mind immediately went to a mission outside the walls.

"And before you ask, I can't tell you, my sweet. My sincerest of apologies."

"You're going to be really careful for me, right?"

"I'll do whatever it takes to come back to you, so I can hold you in my arms again," he promised. I stood on my tiptoes but still couldn't quite reach him.

"Kiss me while you can," I urged, forcing desire into my voice. He lifted me up and kissed my lips gently. I kissed him back the way I knew he wanted, the way that might make him slip up. I pulled away from him. "Don't leave me," I whispered, forcing myself to tear up.

"Darling..." he whispered. He set me down carefully. "I can't stay."

"Hold me close," I whined as I slid my hands to his wrists. I pulled him to the bed and sat down. He sat down next to me, and I leaned into him, pretending he was Will. I always leaned on him when I was tired, and I was tired now.

He wrapped his arms around me and whispered to me softly.

The next morning, I tracked Bertolt down before I had to report to the kitchen. "Hey, uh, I wanted to ask you something." He looked at me like he already knew. "Reiner said he was leaving. Why?"

"I can't tell you what we're doing. Sorry," he said quietly, avoiding my eyes.

I put my hand on his arm, and he looked at me. "Bertolt, please." He closed his eyes and sighed. "If... if you can't tell me, promise me you'll keep him safe. Keep yourself safe too. I want you to be our baby's godfather when the time comes." He looked at me like he couldn't believe what I'd said.

"Look, we, uh, we talked a little bit about it before."

"That doesn't help much, but thank you." I smiled at him slightly and let my hand slip away from his arm. "Keep yourselves safe. I'll be waiting for both of you." I turned away and went to the kitchen.

After I worked in the kitchen, I looked around for Reiner and Bertolt. I found them quickly enough and faked a tearful goodbye with too many hugs and Reiner trying to maul my face.

After they left, I immediately went to Ymir. I talked everything over with her, but she couldn't think of much. The only possibility I could think of was Annie.

After a few days, they were back.

I saw Reiner and Annie; I was right. Bertolt wasn't there. Where was he? Why were Annie and Reiner crying? I forced tears to leak down my face as I rushed forward. Reiner was exhausted and looked done with everything.

Something became obvious to me: Bertolt was dead.

My tears started to turn into real ones as I wrapped my arms around Reiner and buried my head in his chest. He wrapped his arms around me too and put his chin on top of my head. Tears fell on my head. He picked me up and carried me to his room.

He sat down on the bed with me in his arms. I shoved every thought and feeling deep inside of me. I didn't have time for petty shit or the past now. It didn't matter that I didn't want to be there or touched. It didn't matter if I didn't actually love Reiner. It just didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was that someone died; someone I was actually beginning to like was forever gone. I swore to myself that he'd get a real chance; not even a second chance. He never got a first chance; he spent his entire life in fear, following orders of murder until he perished. He was going to get a chance to live.