Sina Saves

Chapter 32: Sam & Alex

I woke up with my entire body aching and forced myself to sit up. I was in an unfamiliar room. The walls were cream with lilac accents, and the floor was ebony hardwood. Clean shelves hung freely along the walls. Harry Potter was on one, the Kane Chronicles and Magnus Chase on another. Percy Jackson and the Olympians, the Heroes of Olympus, and the Trials of Apollo were or a long shelf in the center. The Second Lap, It Gets Worse, I Hate Myselfie, and A Corner of the Universe were on another. Another had pictures of Mark, Sean, Dan, Phil, Thomas, Ethan, Amy, Gio, Dom, Damien, Alex, Kwite and other Jack on it.

I pulled myself out of the bed. My cloak was fastened around me. My jeans, tee, and jacket were clean. Even my belt and sheaths were clean. I took out my daggers. They looked shiny, which was weird because they normally absorbed all light. I noticed something even stranger.

My skin was completely even. My scars were smoothed down just to discoloration. They were hardly noticeable, especially with my tattoo right there. My stomach... I lifted my shirt and saw just...lines of scars, just the stitch marks. There wasn't flesh sticking out or missing. My skin looked like porcelain.

I started to feel a little woozy. I stepped out of the room anyway. There was an atrium with big, fluffy snowflakes drifting around between branches of a bare oak in the center of it. A ring along the walls was made of beautiful birch trees. I felt like I was going to fall over if I didn't sit down. I stumbled to the oak and put my back to it. I faced the door that went outside and half-fell half-sat down.

After my initial wonderment, I felt a flood of emotion. I couldn't tell what was mine and what was Nico's. I wondered if any was Armin's since we had a different kind of connection now.

A sudden knock interrupted my thoughts. "Sina? You in there? It's time for supper. You're supposed to come so you can be there while the Thanes judge your brave exploits." I held my breath, and I heard her footsteps fade away.

I felt so much I couldn't handle it. Depression, anger, confusion, isolation, hopelessness, powerlessness, loneliness, helplessness, and even, gods help me, suicidal thoughts popped up. I couldn't tell if they were mine, but gods I hoped so. Nico... Armin... I tried to talk to Nico, but the link wouldn't work. The only explanation for where I was made no sense. I hadn't died 'in-combat'.

I stared at my wrist tattoo. It was a charm bracelet with 18002738255 in the chain and charms hanging down. It was like my mother's but personalized for me; Mark's M with a warfstache, a Sam, the wings of freedom, a small Hades symbol, Harry's scar, |-/, the Panic! at the Disco sign, and LGBTQ+ hanging down beside each other. Never above it, and Again was below it. The letters were written by people I cared about.

N - Nico
E - Hazel
V - Will
E - Frank
R - Reyna

A - Annabeth
G - Percy
A - Piper
I - Jason
N - Meg

I wish I could apologize to them.

I stared at my tattoo and mulled over memories feeling nothing but despair.

Another knock came a little over an hour later. "I know you can hear me. Do you wanna talk? That was pretty hard to watch even for the second time. The einherjar accept you and think you're worthy. Open up or I'm coming in."

I didn't answer or move.

"Fine. I'm coming in, and I'm bringing Alex. We can all talk girl to girl."

Sam opened my door, and Alex walked in behind her. "Sina, when I took you, your soul did something...unexpected. When you came out, you were in black and white. Your hair was done perfectly. You were wearing a cloak, that cloak, and a long dress. You weren't when you died. Why?"

"Probably because I'm my father's daughter. I might've looked Greek like my dad or like my...my mama."

Alex looked at me the way she did the day I first met her at Chase Place. "Are you okay, though?"

"Other than I'm dead and probably won't be able to see my family and friends again? Yeah, I'm great."

"I'm sorry. I didn't lose too many people when I came here. I was more afraid of being stuck as one gender for the rest of my life, er, death? Until Ragnarok. The point is that it is difficult to adjust, but you'll get there."

"It's just my brother and Armin. I told Nico I wasn't abandoning him. When his only older and full-blood sister died, he lost it. I don't want that to happen again. He has Will, Hazel, Levi, and Mikasa. I don't know if it's enough. And Armin blames himself for my death, and I was too afraid to say I love you to him. He doesn't believe that I do for some reason even though I died for him."

Sam and Alex didn't seem to know how to respond to that. "Anyway, Sam, I wanted to tell you that Amir didn't do anything to me. His dad's my 'uncle', and he didn't respond to me when I sent him a letter explaining I was orphaned and homelessness. I thought he really was my uncle back then. I wasn't told Bastard, my stepfather, wasn't my biological father. Bastard was kicked out of the family because he was cruel and insane. I was exiled too."

"I'm gonna hit the sack," I said after a few seconds. I stood and went to my bedroom. After they left, I tried to shadow travel between rooms. It worked. I hoped it could get me out of there. I closed my eyes and focused on my Armin as I jumped into a shadow.

[1-800-273-8255 is the suicide hotline. Make the call. Suicide is and forever will be a permanent 'answer' to a temporary problem. I should know, and I want you to know too. Whatever you're going through, keep up that good fight and keep on bossin'. I know you can do it my lovelies. <3]