Touche Cliche ― The Book of Cliches

-rant; alpha males

06. alpha males

See, put 'rant' in the title and you immediately get clicks. I know, this cliche can happen with women too, but it occurs mostly in YA fiction targeted towards teenage females. Plus, I'm a straight female so I feel like this comes more naturally to me than having to assume a male perspective. 

Here's a description of a typical alpha male;

✵ Hot as all hell; muscular, bad boy feel to them

✵ Usually an alpha werewolf, but I've seen other forms of them like the bad boy at school

✵ Immediately imposes a possessive stance when around the protagonist

✵ Insta-love is a must, of course, can't just have a realistic, slow-burning romance

✵ Jealousy and angst is a must, can't have normal, healthy relationships

Now, let's debunk the hell outta these [my therapist says I shouldn't swear as much, so I'm cutting it down]. 

-✵-

THE PROBLEM;

✵ SUPERMODELS;

Can we just have realism for a second, do all our main love interests have to be flipping models? I'm so sick of reading descriptions of blonde haired, 'sapphire' blue-eyed, six-pack wearing cunts [abstaining from swearing did not work] and, of course, the main character, who's usually a 'nerd', looks like she just walked down a Victoria Secret runway. Just have a normal looking guy and girl, they don't even have to be ugly or anything they can just be average. What is the problem with average? 

✵  REALISM;

In real life, animals who are the alpha get to that position by overthrowing the previous one and getting that one's girl so, unless we're going to resort to cheating, the alpha werewolf is taken, sorry girls. 

And, for the bad boy, let me take a deep breath, who the flip is a bad boy in school? I'm in secondary school and I've never seen a bad boy, not the stereotypical ones anyway, most are mixed with other archetypes like nerd or emo because humans are complex, they're not one fixed personality type they just easily slot into. You know, they can just be a random nobody right, no shame in that. 

✵  POSSESSIVENESS;

Even before they start dating (which doesn't excuse his behaviour even if they are), he's immediately like: 'she's mine, y'all can't touch her'. What? 

Can someone please explain this to me because this is low-key harassment, she's not yours, you don't look at a woman and go like: 'nah fam, she's my property'. 

You don't class people like property without their consent [that's some Fifty Shades of Grey shit there] because it's creepy and an aggressive mentality to have over someone which is usually one of the first signs of abuse in a relationship. 

✵  INSTA-LOVE;

I mean, I'm not saying you should check out chapter five, but I'm telling you to check out chapter five. Who instantly falls in love though? 

The first thing you notice about someone is their appearance, it's basic human instinct to assume: if someone comes into a room, scruffy and untidy, you're going to assume that person does not have very good hygiene or does not care about their appearance. 

So, if someone comes in a room, looking like their the physical embodiment of chocolate syrup, my thought process, at least, would be one of the three: 'oh, he's cute' or, 'oh, that person must take good care of themselves' or, more likely, 'mmm, I want to eat that', but I digress. 

You wouldn't be like 'I want to marry that person and grow old with him as well as have kids' unless you're an utter psycho. 

✵  JEALOUSY & ANGST;

Gosh darn it, I'm Texan now. But, all jokes aside, why do we have to have this? 

Can we not just have our main girl walk up to somebody other than her partner and hold a genuine conversation with them as friends without her being dragged away by her jealous boyfriend. 

Come on, only abusive partners do that to try and isolate their victim. No-one does that and, whilst I can't tell by experience, my friends' boyfriends don't drag them away from a conversation we're having, in fact, they usually engage in the conversation because they are not assholes. 

Why do people find this macho or 'manly'? It's really not, whenever I read this, I just roll my eyes and DNF the book, simple as. 

[Well, that's it, I'm actually sweating so that's nice, but seriously tho, if I actually had a boyfriend, and he pulled this shit on me I'd fucking roundhouse kick him in the balls] 

WORD COUNT; 739

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED; Sun, 24 Jun at 2: 37pm