Touche Cliche ― The Book of Cliches

-so, um, sex

ALTERNATE TITLE;

19. writing smut with a virgin. what could go wrong?

And this is why I don't let my family read this book.

I've addressed this in previous chapters, but I want to go over it again just to nail it in because I, uh, struggle when writing smut. Not that I write smut ever, I'm way too embarrassed.

So, um, sex, smut, erotica, the frick-frack-in-the-back. Whatever you may call it, if it's bad, it's bad, no two ways about it. So let's make it better, shall we?

First, we need to know what's wrong.

THE PROGNOSIS ( it ain't looking good );

TERMINOLOGY.

Oh my gosh, even an inexperienced potato like me knows their shit. First of all, please, whatever you do, do not phrase a sentence like. 

" He gesticulated his maleness into my female genitalia, triggering me to release sinful tunes from my mouthhole. "

Okay, that's exaggerated, but you get my point. Use words that people would normally use when describing genitals like and I can't believe I'm listing these:

- Cock

- Dick

- Cunt

- Pussy 

- Slit

- Clit

- Prick

- Fanny ( shoutout to my English readers )

- Balls

- Nuts ( oh my )

- Asshole 

- Hole

I'm not listing anymore, that experience just violated me. I hope you get my point. You can also Google some other words because I'm not doing that ever again. 

TIGHT & LOOSE. 

It's been scientifically proven that your vagina doesn't tighten or loosen depending on how many people you have slept with. That shit's got some endurance and it'll pretty much rebound from anything unless you shove a 20-inch synthetic donger up there for a month. 

So, no, don't tell me that Marcia's asshole is looser than a well-oiled cannon and that your sperm-stick just slips straight out of there. That is unless you're making crack smut or comedic smut or if you're just taking the piss.

QUICKER THAN MY DAD LEAVING ME AT BIRTH.