After Infinity War

Part 45

PEPPER

Laura and I sit side my side, our kids on both of our laps. It took me a long time to get up off the floor after Bucky left and Steve disappeared. Partly because I had known and loved him for years, but also because I know how much it would crush Tony, having him back so briefly.
I returned to my seat after Peter started crying. Laura had her head buried into Lila, hugging her closely. I forget momentarily that it had been over a year since Lila had seen her mother.
And then, in such an anticlimax, there is a knock.
'Clint?' Laura asks in a high, anxious voice.
'It's me.' He replies, 'open up, it'a over. We won.' His voice is deflated and I let out a sigh of relief, it's over. We won.
Lila stands up, Lila standing on her own and following behind her as she rushes to open the door. She throws open the door and hugs Clint fiercely. He returns the hug, smiling softly at Lila and then looking at me.
'Oh my...' Laura says as I stand up. She is looking at something behind Clint and has gone pale white.
'What?' I ask, 'Laura what is it? Clint what happened?' I ask, Peter in my arms as I step forward, slowly.
Clint steps with Laura to one side, and looks at me, 'Pepper, I'm so sorry. We did everything we could.'
'No, no.' I say, quietly. I step forwards just as Thor steps through the door, Tony in his arms. I take in a sharp breathe and turn away, I cannot look at him, not like that. Peter is crying in my arms and tears start falling from my cheeks as I shake my head.
'That's not. No.' I say, moving away from Thor, 'Tony isn't, he's not.'
'Pepper.' Thor says and just through him saying my name I know hat he is dead, and I know there is nothing I can do. I drop to my knees, clinging Peter to my chest as we both cry.
Thor comes round to my side and lowers Tony beside me. I look to him and Thor takes Peter from my arms as I fall forwards onto Tony and cry.
I take his hands and I shake my head. Through everything, this is not how it ends.
'I'm okay.' I tell myself, quietly and rock ever so slightly back and forth. 'I'm okay, I'm okay.' My tears are running fast and Thor kneels beside me still holding Peter. I am so far from okay, I cannot comprehend the ache I feel deep within me. I touch him lightly, brush a piece of hair out of the way. I watch him, wait for him.
Clint and Laura stand to one side, Laura hiding her face in Clint shoulder, and Lila holding onto his leg. He alone stands and stares down at Tony and I understand that this hurts for him too. Tony and Clint were friends, through over seven years of fighting together, they were good friends.
Thor too. He kneels beside me but I notice his delicacy around Tony. He's careful not to jog him, avoiding looking for too long. He lost his brother and his people. Losing Tony would hurt him too.
But all I can do is focus on this intense pain I feel in the depth of my stomach. 'I'm okay, it's okay.' I continue to say, interlocking my hand with Tony's and bringing them to my lips.
'I'm okay.' I say as I finally bring myself to look at Tony, at his face, his closed eyes, bloodied cheeks. His dark matted hair all fallen to one side. 'I'm okay,' I say as his wedding ring hits mine in our hands and I realise that that was it, that was all the time we had. 'I'm okay.' I say, despite being as far from okay as I have ever been, despite knowing I will never be fully okay ever again.
I take Peter from Thor's arms and hold him tight to my chest. I kiss him on his forehead, both of us still crying, but I can't help but feel comforted by his hands clinging to mine, knowing I have this small bit of Tony left, his legacy.