Secret

Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Yoonie's day

Yoongie reached his studio around 8:30am and started getting ready for slipping into little space. Unlike Jungkook he couldn't just slip and start playing. He has to get ready to make sure nobody will ever find out that he's a little too. First he locks his studio. It's a very easy step but also by far the most important one. After locking the door he starts his computer. Yoongi is usually very young in little space (another reason why he doesn't want to tell the others about being a little) but when he's a little bit older, around 5 years old, he likes to play around with all the buttons from the music make program. Yoongi found this out the hard way after little Yoonie accidentally deleted half of a song Yoongi was working on. Ever since then he makes sure he has a new file open in which little Yoonie can experiment with the buttons. Little Yoonie is even a little bit talented in using the music program. Yoongie has used some parts of what little Yoonie made in songs before (ever asked yourself how they came up with the 'bow wow wow' in 불타오르네 (FIRE)? you know why now). He never told someone about that of course but his little self was definitely very proud. When the music program is all ready for little Yoonie it's time to start the laptop. He uses his laptop mainly to watch cartoons when he's little. Little Yoonie, even very little Yoonie (around 1-2 years old) knows how to click on the play button so if Yoongie puts everything ready, little Yoonie can start the cartoon himself when he feels like it. Lastly are the more embarrassing things he needs to do before slipping. The most embarrassing thing is definitely the diaper little Yoonie really needs to wear (definitely another reason why the other members can't find out that he's a little, Jungkook doesn't use diapers). After the diaper he put on his onsie (of coure a kumamon one) grabbed his favourite paci and stuffie (named Namnam) and finally slipped. 

"Hi Namnam, how has you been? Yoonie is happy that you are here Namnam. Namnam is Yoonie's best friend!" "What do we want to do Namnam? Do you want to cowor? Yes, wets cowor!" Yoonie went to the bag Yoongie had taken along with him and grabbed his favourite color book and crayons and started to color. Unlinke Jungkook, Yoonie never made a mess when he was coloring. He didn't like to make a mess while coloring because then he would lose his craryons. It had happen before and little Yoonie was so sad that even big Yoongie got sad from it. 

After coloring little Yoonie went to watch some cartoons. While watching Yoonie slowly regressed more until he fell asleep in babyspace. Yoonie had gone into babyspace quite often but even after doing it often it was still a problem. Baby Yoonie really couldn't do anything alone and ofcourse, Yoonie didn't have a caregiver. When Yoonie woke up, he was still in babyspace and started crying but it was useless, nobody would come to look after baby Yoonie. After 2 hours of non stop crying Yoonie fell back asleep. 

For the second time that day Yoongi woke up, but this time he wasn't little anymore. After such an exhausting time in little space Yoongi would often go back to his usual self. Yoongi felt absolutely horrible and started packing his little stuff. He wasn't planning on going home yet, he knew Jungkook would still be in little space and he didn't want to see him because he would definitely slip then. Instead he just stayed in his studio and watched a random movie. Not that he actually knew what the movie was about, his thoughts were somewhere else. He had already noticed that the last couple of days his depression was being more server then usual. He had thought that it was because he hadn't been able to slip for 2 months (unlike Jungkook, we had slipped 2 weeks ago, he thought jealously). The stress that came with not being able to slip into little space would usually trigger his depression. That's why little space is so important to him. But now he wasn't sure anymore if it was because he hadn't been able to slip into little space. He had woken up way more depressed then usual, the voices were too loud, scary loud. 

"You are alone"

"The others don't care about you"

"You are nothing more then a bother to them"

"You don't deserve to live"

Yoongi knew better then to listen to the voices, but it's almost impossible to ignore them. Happily the movie gave enough distraction for now but Yoongi knew he had to go home soon. If he stayed alone too long in this state, who knows what would happen then. Actually, he should call Namjoon. He had promised a long time ago that he would call Namjoon when something like this happened. But he didn't want to bother Namjoon, he already was a bother enough by just being in BTS. He knew he was the least populair member and that they could easily without him but they let him stay. He shouldn't be more of a bother then he already was. 

When the movie was over Yoongi just went home. He couldn't stay alone any longer because it definitely wouldn't end well. There were too many thoughts and voices in his head while he was walking home. Too many. He didn't know what to do about it but walk home. "Just walk. Don't stop walking. Just keep walking home. When you're home everything will be fine." Yoongi muttered to himself. Finally he had reached his home and went in. He knew he was home way earlier then he had inteded to when he went to the studio this morning, but he couldn't help it. He slowly walked into the living room, hoping Jungkook wasn't in little space anymore but ofcoure luck wasn't on his side. Everyone (but Kookie, who was too focussed on missing nothing from cars 2) turned his way when he walked in and looked at him. All with different kind of expression. Namjoon and Jin looked somewhat concerned while Hoseok and Taehyung both had an almost expressionless face. Jimin was the worst though, he looked at Yoongi with plain disgust. Yoongi almost slipped at the side of all the members being together having a fun time. He knew it was his fault that he wasn't there with them, but it still hurt. He also needed attention! "Hey hyung" Jimin said with a voice that left Yoongi to shiver. "H-hi Jimin-ah, I'm going upstairs" Yoongi muttered back. The way Jimin acted left him even more broken then he already was. The 'good' that Jimin said back to Yoongi was too much. Yoongi ran to his room, not wanting any of the other members to hate him too. As soon as he reached his room he started to cry, but this time not in little space. Even big Yoongi cries when he was hurt, and right now, he is hurt. For the second time that day, Yoongi fell a sleep from crying. 

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A/n: I use 'Yoongi' to refer to big Yoongi and 'Yoonie' to refer to little Yoongi. The same goes for Jungkook and Kookie. Even though Yoongi will never refer to little Jungkook as Kookie because it makes him feel bad. 

This is my first real fanfic so all tips are welcome, so are ideas for the story! ^^