I Guess I'm Sorry [S.M]

Chapter 12

Arya's POV

We drove back to his apartment in our own cars since I brought mine with me. We parked and walked in and up to his door. He unlocked it and we went in.

"Are you feeling alright babe? You seem so down." I said, worried for my boyfriends health.

"Yeah I'm fine, just thinking too much..." he said looking even more depressed.

"Shawn you know you can talk to me? Just as you said on the phone we need to tell each other things, we need to be honest if this relationship is going to work out." I said even more worried. "I know, I just feel sad for some reason."

"Please tell me it's not about the pregnancy thing?" I pleaded.

"No it's not that... but I feel like I rush you into this!" he said raising his voice.

"But Shawn you're not!" I shouted back at him.

"But wha-why-" he started, but stopped.

"Why what Shawn?" I asked starting to get annoyed. "Just spit it out!" I laughed after I'd calmed down.

"Why haven't you said 'I love you' yet?" he screamed in my face, hurt written all over his face. "I say it to you every time I see you, but you've never said it back!"

"I-I..." I tried to speak, but I couldn't find the right words.

"You don't love me, do you?" he said, looking me in the eyes.

"No-I mean I do, I just can't bring myself to say it... The last time I said it was to my ex and then-" I couldn't finish the sentence because of a big sob and tears ran down my cheeks.

"Then what babe?" he asked, coming closer and resting his arms around my waist.

"Then he-he raped me...A-and I haven't been able to say it after that." I said before my voice broke and before sobs made it impossible to speak.

"Oh my god, babe I'm so sorry!" he said hugging me tightly. He held me like I was the most fragile thing in the world and I loved him for that.

"It's okay..." I said. "I'm over it, it just became too much with the pregnancy on top!" I said as I started to laugh.

"God you're so strong! You went through this all by yourself?" he asked looking at me impressed.

"Yeah I did, but I'm fine Shawn, I promise." I said and I meant it, because I am over it, truly. "Okay if you say so..." he said giving me a kiss on the lips.

"What shall we do now?" I asked, wanting to do something else than talking about my miserable life.

"I don't know...Aghhh let's go to New York or something!" Shawn said suddenly.

"What? We can't just go to New York!" I laughed at him. "Why not? Just to get our mind off of things!"

"Well maybe, but I can't just leave Sierra." I said.

"She could go live with my family, it's not that far..." Shawn said.

"Let me talk to her about it before we decide." I said laughing at his spontaneity.

For the rest of the day we just hung out in Shawn's apartment. We ordered some pizza for dinner and watched a movie. When the movie was done and we finished our food, we just sat there and talked. Not about anything important though, but then a thought came into my head: what if had the kid?

"Shawn can I ask you something? But please don't get your hopes up." I said.

"Um sure, what is it?" he asked with a frown on his face.

"I just wondered if we have this kid, how would our lives turn out?" I asked silently.

"I don't know, maybe we got a bigger place and lived together or the kid would be living with you, I don't know." he said calmer than I expected.

"Yeah..."

"Why do you ask? Do you want a kid after all?" Shawn asked still deadly serious.

"No I just thought about a life with a child... I think I still want an abortion."

"Yeah well that's your choice and I'll support you anyway." he said with a reassuring smile. He leaned over and kissed me. I felt like it was ages since we was this close, without any stress, so I took the opportunity and deepened the kiss. It turned into a hot make out session and he hovered over me as I laid my back down on the couch. He slipped his hand up my shirt and wanted it off. I broke the kiss and wiggled out of the shirt and reattached out lips. His hand traced down my waist and he held his big hand around my waist. His thumb caressed the side of my stomach and he broke the kiss.

"It's your choice." he said and smashed his lips on mine again.

hehe I liked this ending...

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