The Eye of The Storm | Dave East

27

Angel

"I don't see what that has to do with anything."

I paced around the room trying to get my thoughts together as they scattered my brain.

"But mom... I'm trying to tell you that something's not right. I feel... Sad all the time. Like sometimes it comes out of no where. Sometimes I don't want to get out of bed. And I get these feelings around me that I can't explain... I think I need help... I think I may need to go see a doctor. I think I may be depressed..." I said feeling tears sting my eyes.

"So you telling me you may be depressed?" My mom asked me. "Yes..." I said softly.

"Angel you have NOTHING to be depressed about! You're to young to be depressed or stressed about anything! You're 17 years old! You always talking about 'you're stressed'! You're not going to see what stress is until you have to pay some fucking bills! If anybody should be depressed or stressed it should be me!" She yelled at me. My heart started breaking and tears started falling down my face.

"B-but Mom..." My voice cracked.

"You're lazy Angel! You're an ungrateful and lazy bitch! All you do is run around with that fucking boy! I know you fucking him. And you better not get pregnant, because I don't know who's going to take care of your ass." She spat me as continued to insult me.

I wanted to share something with her that I've known about for a while. It could possibly change my life and hers. I guess it's now or never...

"Mom, I got accepted into a college up in New York... M-my test scores and grades were so good that I got a full ride... I'm going to study to be a nurse." I said hoping that she'd be proud of me.

She scoffed. "Nurses don't make any fucking money Angel. What you telling me this shit for? You think you better than me?" She walked up to me in got in my face.

"Huh?! You think you better than me because you got accepted into a little school?" She pointed her finger in my face.

"N-no mom..." I whimpered. "I just thought you'd be proud of me..."

"Let me tell you something Angel... You not better than anyone. You not shit and you never gonna be shit. No one's ever gonna love you. All you gonna do is lay on your back and get fucked. Just like you're doing now. That's all you'll ever be to anyone." The words that were coming out her mouth were flowing through my ears. Every single one went straight to my heart, jabbing it.

"Get the fuck out of my sight. It disgusts me to even look at you." She said shaking her head.

I slowly picked up my book bag off the kitchen counter and headed upstairs.

"Oh and your Daddy told me what you did." She said. I stopped in my tracks.

She was referring to when I had a mental breakdown a few days ago. My dad was the only one that was at the house that day. I had just got home from school and my dad had laid me down on the couch and raped me. And when he was done, something took over me... I was crying hysterically. Even though this has been happening since I was a little girl, I tried to make myself get 'used to it'. But no. I don't think I'll ever be used to that... I got up and knocked everything off the table. I was knocking pictures off the walls. Throwing down vases and breaking glass. I was yelling and screaming during the process. I couldn't stop crying. But after I did that, I felt a little better.

And I'm guessing he told my mom everything.

"He should've beat your ass." My heart sank. I didn't even bother to turn back around. I drug my feet all the way up to my room.