Be My Sunflower

Hello Vancouver

The audition process went well and all our roles had been cast well before the deadline. We had an amazingly supportive, talented, creative and excited cast. We had done all the paperwork and set up places for us to all stay and began filming a few weeks ago. First day was awkward, all of our energies bouncing off of each other made it hard to focus at times. The cast was so funny, I broke character more times then I'd like to admit.

I went to set each day with a clear mind, but the second I got any down time my doomed marriage nagged me. I knew it was going to end, even in the first year I had moments of doubt. I knew that I deserved to be treated better, to be supported and loved, but this was all I knew.

I called Joshua every chance I got, he either never answered or he'd be with friends and unable to really talk. I knew better, he was avoiding me and wanted me to feel bad for leaving.

When I asked him to come visit me, he always had better offers. So I drowned myself in making new memories with my cast and Kory.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Kory asked, he was playing on his phone.

"Just wondering how my marriage got so bad." I sighed, my Twitter was dry and I didn't want to post on Instagram.

"It's nothing you did, he changed. He started getting possessive and more arrogant than usual. And telling you not to take this show, calling you selfish and not answering your calls? Dump him." Kory stated.

"It's not that easy, Kory. I married him, I made a vow to god to be with him."

"God sees what's going on, he saw YOU say you needed counseling and tried.  I think he'd give you a pass card, Colleen. That man doesn't deserve you, in any way." Kory patted my leg, "And that's not just because I don't like him, he's foul."

What are you and Kory up to tonight. Feeling social, care to join me?

"Kor!" I smiled, "Wanna go out with Erik tonight?" I hit reply and waited for korys response.

"I didn't think he was a sister!!!" Kory smirked, "But not really my type, Im going to pass."

"He invited us both, why don't you want to go?" I asked.

"You go, have some fun! I have a marathon of rupaul with my name on it."

"Josh would be so mad if I went alone. I'll just tel him we can't." I started typing and Kory took my phone and typed something and handed it back. "What did you do?"

3743 Maple Court apartment 1048; come hang out with us instead!

"You invited him over! Kory!" I squealed, "J-"

Kory cut me off, "Get in the shower, put on something cute and enjoy your friends. Who cares what Josh thinks he didn't want to come. Now, scoot!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hello Erika Stocklin, come on in!" Kory sang, sometimes he was so weird. I loved him so much. "Ooh for me?"

I came around the corner and saw he had a bag, "Hey Stocklin. You came with gifts?"

He smiled, he was always so happy. "Hey! Yeah, well I brought cheesecake. Hope you like it, I should've asked."

"We love a good cheesecake! Thank you!"

We played cards against humanity, some uno and then just sat around talking for a while, we were discussing my plans for the end of the season when my phone rang and I saw it was Josh. I handed the phone to Kory and watched him silence the phone and lay it face down on the coffee table. He smiled at me and I smirked, I didn't like being this way to my husband but the night had been so fun and stress free.

Erik checked his phone and sighed, "Well, I should get going. I've been here a long time. Let me help you clean up." He started gathering cups and picking up cheesecake plates before I could decline, he was genuinely such a good guy. Always offering to help out on set, never complained about staying over or coming in for a shot on his day off, I loved working with him.

"You didn't have to, thank you. Thanks for coming over we should do this more, it was fun not having to work while we hung out." I said, putting the cups into the dishwasher.

"I agree, our next free day. Thanks for having me, maybe you can beat me at uno next time." He laughed.

"Stocklin, don't get cocky now! You never know, cause I cheat and I always win you got lucky!"

"It's true, I rarely ever beat her." Kory said, loading the plates in the dishwasher.

Erik smiled, "Well we will have to test that theory sometime." He grabbed his keys and I walked him to the door, a handshake felt weird and just saying bye felt weird so I hugged him. The hug didn't feel weird, it felt good and that puzzled me so deeply.

He hugged me back and I released him, "Drive safe."

He nodded, "Will do, have a good night you two."

"You too."

After he left I'd gone to my room and laid in my bed and cried. I had so many emotions and thoughts and feelings I didn't know how to process anything. I spent 5 hours with someone who was essentially a stranger and laughed, played games, talked to for hours and only felt happiness and enjoyed myself.

I couldn't remember a time where I ever spent hours with Josh and ever had a good time, he was always making sarcastic remarks or making fun of me. He never wanted to play games unless it was the chapstick challenge so he could make out with me in front of people or a "who knows me best" so he could try and beat whoever was playing. He never won, it was like he didn't even know me.

I'd been noticing my mood dropping, like a noticeable plunge of sadness that makes me asses the situation to see why and it's always when Erik leaves. I didn't want to think about it, I couldn't because I was married and I wanted my husband and I to work.

I heard my phone start buzzing and picked it up, Josh was calling me again. Everything in me said to decline and go to bed, but my heart told me to answer.

"Hi, Josh! How was your day?"

"Why didn't you answer me earlier? Where are you?" His tone was accusational, should I be mad since he hadn't answered any of my calls all week?

"I'm in bed, I was in the living room with Kory and forgot my phone. Where have you been?" I asked.

"Busy, obviously."

"Yeah, I can see that. Truth is, I'm sad you don't ever answer my calls. I miss you." I was only half-lying.

"You chose to leave Coll, I'm not going to be around every second because you miss me!" His tone changed and I sighed.

"Ok, I'm not fighting with you. I'm going to bed, goodnight I love you."

"I bet." And the call ended, tears threatened to run over my eyelid, what did I do to deserve this life?

I had a wonderful time tonight, thank you for letting me beat you in UNO. Looking forward to tomorrow, have a good evening.

I smiled, tomorrow we were filming together. Set was immediately different when he was there, he always brought such a positive energy. Not that the others didn't, the entire cast was amazing but Erik brought something unique, I still hadn't figured that out.

Next time I won't be so easy on you! Thank you for the Cheesecake and company, looking forward to tomorrow too! Goodnight

I plugged my phone in and tried to sleep.