Be My Sunflower

Care for a hike?

As we walked to my apartment I couldn't place my feelings, I was upset over the Josh thing, embarrassed Erik witnessed a meltdown, touched that he came back just to walk me home, exhausted from no sleep and then there was just joy.

"So, I'm really sorry you heard us fighting. I know that probably doesn't paint me in a very good light." I said as we rounded the corner, the skyline was nearly in view.

"Why would it paint you in a bad light? To be honest your midol comment made me laugh. Inside of course." He said.

I smiled slightly, "He was acting so childish and I just blew up. I need to be better than that."

Erik shook his head, "Don't beat yourself up about how you manage what happens in your life."

I knew what he meant, but still couldn't place the uneasy feeling I had about him hearing it first hand. "I beat myself up over everything. Hey, tomorrow Chris and the kids are going hiking and I'm tagging along. You want to come? Francesca and her mans coming too."

Without hesitation Erik nodded, "I love exploring! I'm in."

I nodded and looked behind him at my beautiful reason for smiling every night. The Vancouver skyline, the lights reflecting off the water just ended every night on a high. "Sounds good! God I love this place."

He turned and stopped to admire its beauty with me, "Vancouver really is breathtakingly beautiful. Thank you for bringing us all here."

"You're welcome. Thanks for auditioning, holy hell I can't imagine a different cast being here with me. You guys are all so dedicated and fun to work with." I leaned on the bridge railing and took a deep breath of the moist air.

He did the same, then turned to smile at me. He stayed silent and I turned towards him, "What?"

He averted his gaze to the buildings then slowly back to me, shaking his head. "You're just someone I find myself admiring all the time."

I blushed, "What? That's crazy."

"Nah," he shook his head. "It's beautiful. You're very hardworking and dedicated but you don't pass up the opportunity to enjoy yourself or notice the little things in your surroundings."

"What do you mean?" I questioned.

"Like today when you were frustrated that you couldn't stop laughing at Steve in your scene and after you went to view the playback you were upset with yourself. But when Suzanne came to ask you a question about the next costume you were friendly and complimented her new hair. You might not think much of it but she walked away absolutely beaming, when minutes prior she was terrified to bug you." He said, "You also took the time to go over and check how your set designer was coming along because you knew that morning she had a paint issue."

"Someone's observant." I said.

He leaned his back on the rail and crossed his arms, "We all notice these things, I'm just the one telling you. There isn't a person on set who dislikes working with you, you deserve a lot more credit for being a good person, boss and co-worker."

I shrugged, "I guess I don't let myself think that way. I'm just out here doing the best that I can."

"You should though, because you beat yourself up a lot. Issues with your husband don't make you a bad person." Erik said, his words were floating around in my head. He was essentially a stranger but I felt so comfortable with him. I felt like we had been in each other's lives for years and were the best of friends, it was special.

"Thank you, Stocklin." I smiled, "I'll work on it."

He nodded and we headed towards my apartment, while we were walking Erik stayed silent which was his default. He was either really talkative or really quiet with no grey area. He was honestly a great person to sit and admire too and I'd deny it if anyone ever asked but he was attractive as hell.

"So is Mekenna going to come visit you on set?" I asked curiously, I'd never seen a photo of her.

"No, she's not big on traveling." He said, "Why do you ask?"

"Just curious, I've never seen her." I blushed, feeling that was a weird statement for me to make.

"I have a few photos on my Instagram, if you want to see what she looks like." He said, pulling out his phone.

"Wait!! You have Instagram? Can I follow you? I had NO idea you were on any social media!"

He laughed, "Of course, what's yours I'll follow you."

We exchanged names and ended at his car while we were flipping through each other's feeds. I found a photo of Mekenna and him on a hike, in the same photo but no where near each other and his smile didn't meet his eyes. Looking through them all of the photos indicated a different Erik than I'd gotten to know.

I glanced at him and he'd put his phone in the car, he was looking at me.

"She's beautiful." I said, sliding my phone into my hooded pocket.

He glanced behind me, "Yeah."

"I couldn't help but notice that you didn't look happy and in love in any of your 4 photos with her." I cursed myself for saying that, how rude of me! Was I his therapist?!

However Erik nodded, "Yeah, I love her but we've been together so long and it's not developed into a deeper love. I can't see having a family or marrying her. When I met her 7 years ago I saw all of that and 6 or 7 months ago the future disappeared."

"You remember when it disappeared?" I asked.

He nodded slowly, "Yeah, I was cooking dinner one night, she came in to help and I glanced over at her chopping the vegetables and it was...black. I was so confused."

He said 'was' is he not confused anymore? "Mine got black too, only it happened after we got married. I'd always wanted a family and to be married but I think I jumped at the idea of it all and not because I wanted him specifically." Erik made a pretend shocked face and I shoved him, "Okay okay. Nobody's perfect. I'm just...in a mess because I'm not just breaking up with him I'm divorcing him."

First time I said it out loud, but I knew that would be my reality soon. I loved him, but I didn't like him or how he treated me or others. Sometimes I wished I'd never married him, but there's no point in that.

"So you are?"

I nodded, "Yeah, I just have to find the right time. If there ever is a right time. Well hey, I'll let you go home. Thanks for walking me home, I enjoyed your company!" I moved to hug him and he wrapped his arms around me.

Whenever I hugged him I never wanted to let go, I loved hugging him but always tried to place what it was. He was an amazing guy, maybe it was innocent and I just felt happy around him. He squeezed me and released me and I let go, sadly.

"You're welcome. I'll see you tomorrow. Have a good night."

He got into his car and I waved, "I'll text you details. Goodnight!"

As I walked upstairs I could smell his cologne on my hoodie and smiled.