Be My Sunflower

Drunken Facetimes

When I got home I took a shower and let the steam work it's magic on me before I allowed myself to call my husband. I did my best thinking in the shower and today I kept going over how amazing it would feel to be free from him.

I FaceTimed Josh this time, I called 3 times before he answered and he wasn't at home.

"Hey Colleeeen." He slurred slightly, great he was drunk again. His face was illuminated only by the moon.

"Where are you?" I asked, I knew he wasn't at our house he never was.

"I'm at Jeff's, what's good baby?"

"I need to talk to you, why are you drinking again?" Josh had a bit of a drinking problem, but I thought it had gotten better. He was an angry, bitter drunk and I hated it with every fiber of my being.

He rolled his eyes and mumbled something to Jeff, but I couldn't understand because He'd muted the mic. However when he unmuted it I heard them laughing and someone say 'his ball and chain' and he laughed. Honestly didn't help my mood in the slightest, did he just sit around talking trash about me?

"What's up?" He asked, positioning his camera on something so he didn't need to hold it.

"I'll cut to the chase, because I'd hate to drag you away from your favorite people. Why'd you text Erik? And don't bullshit me." I said, I was so angry.

"Because he didn't need to go to your family thing, he's not family Colleen. I told you that on the phone, he is-"

I cut him off rather harshly, "YOU don't get to make that call! I invited all of the cast Erik and Francesca were the only two free! Why do you feel it's ok to tell Erik not to go? Where was Francesca's message?!"

"Why are you mad? You didn't get this mad when I messaged that other guy." His tone was accusational and jealous and I hated it.

"Why are you getting that tone with me? Because he has a penis you're suddenly justified for your crazy behavior?" He was such a sexist, I never saw it before we got married. I chalked it up to being blinded by the thought of being a married woman.

"What does his penis have to do with anything?" Josh asked, sometimes he was the dumbest.

"You were cool with Francesca going, but not Erik because?" I asked.

"Because he's a guy, you don't need to be alone with another guy." He slurred.

"This is an absolute joke. You just said it was a 'family day' so you know that we weren't alone! And now you change your story and try to say you were insecure about me being alone with another man and that was your motive. I'm not the type of girl to cheat and I've never given you a reason to feel that I am so tell me why you'd EVER imply that I was!"

"I didn't say YOU were." He shook his head, "I don't trust him."

"You don't even know him! It's not ok to just start judging someone, the issue was just you texting him and that you told him not to come today now it's because you've implied he's not got pure intentions. He's a co-worker who's become a friend and if you're insecure about that that's on you. I've asked you to come up here and you keep refusing, so you don't get to make stupid assumptions about my friends."

"Coll- You're awfully fired up about this Erik douche. I think you should come home, right? You have me, I'm in love with you and your body I miss you. Don't be alone, come be home with me, we can make babies." Joshua's respect bank dropped dramatically, I twirled my wooden ring we got in Hawaii and contemplated throwing it away. That one meant the most to Joshua because we got them together on our honeymoon, I'd always hated it.

"Don't call Erik names, don't text him, don't even think about him. This conversation is over, I don't want anything to do with you right now."

"Hold up!" Josh whined, but I'd already ended the call. To think another human being could hate another person with zero reasoning other than being insecure and jealous was so sad.

The following week....

I hadn't heard from Erik other than when he was on set, our days seemed normal except there wasn't much interaction which wasn't normal. I focused on work to block out the possibilities because I couldn't worry about it right now. The show was half filmed, already more than half done and that made me incredibly emotional. I didn't want to leave any of the cast, I loved them all so much but in a few weeks they would be heading home while Christopher and I stayed to edit.

"Good job, today!" I told Erik, passing him heading to return a hat to wardrobe.

He smiled, "You too, see you tomorrow." I put the hat on the table and followed him out towards his car and took his elbow.

He turned towards me and I released him, "You've been pretty quiet and I can't shake that somethings off. Can you talk to me, please?" I hugged myself and waited for him to answer.

"I'm going through some personal things, I'm sorry." He said, his voice was lower than usual and he wouldn't make eye contact.

"We are friends; you can talk to me about anything."

He nodded, "I know, I appreciate that so much. I've got to go, but I'll text you later okay?" I nodded and watched him leave with an uneasy feeling in my stomach.

Erik never did text me that night, or the next day which he had off. It bothered me more than I thought it should but ignored my phone for that time and dove into work.