Be My Sunflower

Remember your parka!

Erik was the type of guy who held respect for everyone until they proved they weren't good people, even then he was always respectful and polite. So imagine my shock when he told me no.

"I can't leave you here alone to beat yourself up over this; I-" He reached out to me, he knew what normally calmed me but right now it would be my un-doing.

"Don't." I said, backing away from his reach. "I deserve to sit here and be miserable, okay? It's my fault, I could've forgiven the kiss you gave me what I did is...it's..." tears began falling, I hated feeling weak and vulnerable. Especially in front of Erik who always wanted to fix things.

"It's what you wanted, Colleen. You wanted more, you aren't seeing what you deserve and want.  You see what you shouldn't want and shouldn't have." Erik spoke calmly, I couldn't shake the feeling of looming doom.

"I don't know what I want, it was just...." I began, but Erik quickly cut me off

"You know," I looked up through my tears to see Erik fighting his own. "I wish I could say it was a mistake, that it meant nothing. But it did mean something" He was visibly upset and for some reason that hurt me more than what just happened. "I've never been the type of guy to even entertain the idea of liking another girl while I'm with someone, cheating was something I always dismissed because I would never, but I'm standing here in front of you living a very different lie." He took a deep breath and looked up, I assumed he was trying to shove the tears back in. "I'm sorry you don't feel the same, I just....I hope this doesn't ruin everything."

"You....you haven't ruined anything." I said quietly, he brought his gaze back to me his face still void of tears despite the looming threat. "I- Kissed you back, Erik. I can't lie, I never thought I had feelings for you but....womp there it is." I joked mildly, "I am just disappointed in myself for doing this to...." I couldn't even say his name.

"Yeah, I get that." He cut me off, his tone slightly clipped and I couldn't really gauge why. "I'm sorry I had a hand in you disappointing him. Truly, I am." Erik said.

"Are you...mad at me or?" I asked.

"Nope." He said, but he was lying despite his impeccable acting abilities.

"Erik, wait. What's up?" I asked, catching his elbow as he passed me. He was going to the bedside table to get his charger, and....leave?

He grabbed his charger and shrugged, "Nothing, I'll give you space. Okay? I'm sorry for everything." He headed for the hallway and I  got between him and the door.

"Erik." I hugged myself and silently begged him to talk to me.

Erik stilled but wouldn't look at me, his head hung. "I don't think you're ready to hear it."

I pushed off the door, backing him up into the room, he sat back down on the bed. I looked down at him, "How do you know I'm not ready to hear something? I think I'm handling this pretty well considering I should be a nut job right now." He looked at me amused, maybe I wasn't myself but I wasn't a hysterical sobbing mess. "Cut me some slack, Stocklin."

He nodded, "Okay, fine. I have a lot of anger and hostility in me for a man who claims to love you and treats you the way he does. That's insulting to me because I..." he silently argued with himself and his choice of words before sighing, "Because I love you." He was silent seconds before continuing, "I'm in love with you" he mumbled, "and I'd never dream of treating you like that even on my worst days. It breaks my heart that you think that's what love is, it really does."