Be My Sunflower

Actually...

I woke up this morning in the worst mood I'd had since moving up here, although I knew the origin. Today was the final day of production, the entire cast had wrapped except for Erik and I'd said goodbye to them last night after a cast dinner.

Erik had a final scene today and flew home this evening, I was trying to not cry in the makeup chair but I knew I'd be crying for my scenes. We made the emotional scenes all on one day so they were raw emotions, aside from Bethany yelling at Miranda that was mid production and I easily cried because Angela yelling at me was sad.

I saw Erik come around the corner one final time and it felt like a tidal wave of emotions overtook my body. He wore that precious smile he always had only it didn't make it to his eyes.

"Morning Colleen." He said, "Looking as greasy and fabulous as always."

I laughed softly, "per-fik" I said as Miranda. "I got a quetchin!"

"What's that?" He asked, leaning over the make-up table to grab a chapstick.

"This is gonna hurt so good! No offense." I broke character and smiled up at him sadly.

"I know, hope we get a season 2 this has been so incredible." He laid the chapstick back down and nodded at me. The makeup lady gave me a hug and wished me luck, I thanked her for her help and assured her if we got season 2 she would get a call.

Erik opened his arm for a hug and I shook my head, "Save it for the scene cause the moment you touch me I'm going to lose my shit."

He nodded, understandably and we walked silently to the set.

We set and filmed all my angles of Miranda seeing Patrick in the grass of her front yard, willing to forgive her for everything and take her back. Raw, fat tears ran down my face even though he wasn't in character and wasn't in his spot, the thought of this all ending was too much.

"Cut! God, Colleen that was perfect! Let's set Patrick up and get this hug." I went back towards the step and felt emotions building in my chest. This was our last hug as Miranda and Patrick, maybe forever. I knew Erik would always be a part of my life and we'd hug again but I was mourning the loss of this amazing character I'd created so many years ago.

"Action! Camera 1!" Chris called and I looked up, allowing my face to read relief that Patrick came back for me and sadness that I'd hurt him. Miranda wasn't very good with emotions, so I threw confusion in there too and walked out of frame.

"Cut! Camera 2, lets get a wide shot of Patrick standing in the road." Cameras moved, my chest felt heavy as Erik got into character and did his shot. The cameras adjusted and waited for us to hug, I took my place and Erik smiled at me.

"Make it a good one." Erik said, I nodded and he got into character.

When I heard action for the final time with Patrick I allowed the feelings to bubble over and cried. As I cried I ran into Erik and wrapped my arms around him, it was supposed to be a shocking moment for Patrick and Erik didn't hug me back immediately. This made me cry even more until he put his hands on me and it calmed me down. I loved this person, I've never said that out loud before with any feeling but I actually love him.

He's become one of my best friends, part of my insane world and one of the few people I go to for everything. He's reliable and supportive and always there encouraging me and believing in me. He's sweet and sensitive but also he's shy and doesn't like a lot of attention.

I loved Erik for all that he was and would forever be grateful for meeting him and I'd always cherish our friendship.

"CUT! That's a wrap on Erik Stocklin! Thanks buddy!" Chris called out, Erik still had his arms around me but I could feel him fall out of his awkward character and give me a proper good hug. I felt him tighten his arms around me and I smiled.