Be My Sunflower

Cant love friends!

Remember what I said....about what could go wrong being up here alone? Joshua happened. He waited until everyone left and came up here to visit for the first time while I was spending my life in the editing room.

He immediately wanted to do cutesy photo shoots of us kissing in the woods, he wanted to have sex and he cried when he got here telling me he's never loved anyone this much. Which was nice, however I knew it wouldn't last so I was essentially waiting for the other shoe to drop.

That shoe dropped when Rebecca joined us in Vancouver and they went through my phone. He'd said she came up so he could have someone to hang out with all day while I was editing, Kory was living with me and was constantly on edge so he left with me and just lounged at the office.

One night I'd gotten home exceptionally pissy because he insisted on picking us up, walking home being my de-stressing for the day. Erik had picked me up a few times and I'd never felt so aggravated, I mentally ignored that.

We got into a fight in the car about it and when we got back to the apartment I'd gone to shower and cried. When I came out I realized my phone was missing and I had gone out to the living room to see if I left it there.

Only what I saw was Joshua and Rebecca hunched over my phone, their faces illuminated by the screen.

"What the hell!" I yelled, both of them jumping. Joshua however puffed his chest out and told me to calm down, now I was going to lose my shit!

"I knew something was up, I had to find out what you were hiding from me. I'll let you have the opportunity to tell me." Joshua said, I looked at my phone in his hand, someone's texts pulled up on the screen.

"I'm not fucking hiding anything from anyone! You had no right to go through MY phone and my personal conversations! Doesn't matter WHAT was being talked about!!" I tried grabbing my phone.

"Right, so you and Erik are just friends. That was what you told me everytime I asked why you spent so much time with him?" He spat out, my anger was making me sweaty.

"We ARE just friends! I'm allowed to be friends with boys, all my friends are boys to be honest! I'm tired of you dictating my friendships and how I spend my free time and what I say to people! You don't control me! I'm supposed to be a wife, your equal part! You treat me like a fucking criminal!" I yelled.

"Because you are hiding stuff, stop screaming at me." He looked over his shoulder at Rebecca and I was so mad that he even thought to look at her.

"Don't look at Rebecca!" I demanded.

"Listen, I'm asking why you hid this because it's clear that you and that..." he started.

"Watch it." I warned.

He cocked his head to the side, "Do you defend me to people, Coll? Or just people you love because you love him. You said so in your texts."

I threw my hands up, "You read all our conversations and the only thing in there you're pissed about is that we said 'I love you' before we stop talking for the day?! Really? Riveting stuff considering the rest of our conversations are spent talking about post-production or you or his girlfriend! Neither of us are cheating on anyone!!!" I was yelling so loud Kory had emerged protectively and stood behind me.

"Yeah I also saw you FaceTime each other at least once a day whereas you never have time for me. Funny." Josh was leaning passively on the counter and I was pacing in the kitchen, when Kory came in I stopped.

"Your schedule conflicts with mine, he's not working and always available to talk. Do you see other FaceTimes in there? Like the countless attempts to you, unanswered texts to you for hours, I need to talk to people and heaven forbid it be my fucking husband!! So I turned to a friend and I do love Erik, as a friend. You trying to tell me there's something wrong with that or it's just your warped perspective of it?" I said slightly more calmly, it infuriated me that I was this mad and defensive over my husband invading my privacy.