Be My Sunflower

Magic in Vancover

We were working on Patrick and Miranda's big scene in front of the magic judges most of the day. I ended my long day with stabbing Patrick, Angela and Erik were currently filming their scenes inside the box before we wrapped entirely. They were pros, I was shoving the swords in while they filmed and it took a few takes to get facial expressions right.

"I never thought we'd be this close, Erik." Angela laughed, "This is kind of intimate."

Erik groaned, I'm guessing she moved. She had to stand on his knees for most of it and she had to keep readjusting so his knees didn't hurt. "Me either."

"Hello?" I said as Miranda, "Stop it! That's my boyfriend on Tuesdays Mom, you're gross."

They laughed and Erik went into Patrick mode, "I love your smell the most Miranda. She smells like tuna." And pretended to sob.

"Erik!!" Angela squealed, I could hear her slap him and they both lost it.

/——————-\

We'd all wrapped an hour ago, but I was in my trailer arguing with Joshua, again. I just didn't feel like walking home all upset and not be able to enjoy the scenery that was the skyline of Vancouver. The walk home was my favorite thing each day.

"It doesn't matter. I needed to get ahold of you." Josh snapped.

"It absolutely DOES matter! That was classified information and you had no right to use it for your personal issues. I'm here working and can't always be available for people."

Josh scoffed, "You make it sound like I'm being irrational that you can't make time for your husband."

"I'm telling you texting my cast is not okay! I don't care what you think, don't do it again!" I could feel my face getting warm and knew I was yelling.

"Whatever, Colleen. You know you're right, I shouldn't have but I miss you." His voice changed and I sighed.

"Then why don't you come up here? Don't involve my cast." I heard a knock at the door and got up, wondering who still on set.

I opened it to see Erik, I muted my phone and motioned for him to come in out of the cold and pointed to the couch. "Gimme a sec."

He nodded and I unmuted the call in the middle of Josh talking about how busy his tour is.

"Okay, I get it."

"Being on tour is exhausting, you know." Was he serious? "I'm trying to juggle tour, and merch and meet and greets and all the gifts I'm getting. It's a lot for one person to manage, so when I CAN call you it's upsetting that you don't make me a priority."

I sighed, honestly trying to breathe out my anger and it wasn't working. "Yeah I know a little bit about touring and how hard and time consuming it is. I know you are disappointed that I can't answer you but I'm in like 85% of the scenes and when I'm not I'm directing and I can't have my phone on me." I looked at Erik who was passing the time on his phone.

"Do you even miss me? Like really?" If I said no would he hang up?

"Josh."

"You're ridiculous! You can't even say 'yeah I miss you baby I love you' you just dismiss me. God you're always doing that!!" He snapped, he's pmsing I swear to god.

"You know what, I'm done with this conversation. Call me when you can find some Midol."

"Are you joking? You're going to be rude, when I express my feelings?"

"You're ALWAYS telling me how you feel and what I'm doing wrong and how I'm not giving you enough and I'm not putting you before myself. Did it ever occur to you that you could maybe act like you care about me or what I'm up to? How I feel? You're so self centered all the time how am I supposed to want to pick up my phone and call you when I know it will end with me feeling like shit!!" I snapped and buried my head in my arms.

"So you admit it, you don't call me cause you're avoiding me!!! That's great."

Hot tears ran down my cheeks, he was so ignorant sometimes. "That's all you took from what I said?"

"Why are you crying? You're such a baby, god." He laughed, "Well I think this call needs to end I'm not listening to you suck snot. Call me later when you grow up." He hung up and I just dropped my phone to the table and cried.

Why did I constantly think this was what marriage was. Why was I always making excuses for him, or trying to rationalize his actions and words. Why did I always hang up hating me, why didn't I just let myself hate him.

I felt a hand on my back and jumped slightly, forgetting Erik was in the room or that he heard the end of that. Or that I was currently crying, oh my god I was mortified. I kept my head down and tried to calm myself down but a sob escaped.

He gently rubbed between my shoulder blades and leaned into me with his hip. I think he was awkwardly trying to comfort me. I didn't feel I deserved any comfort, I was always making him angry I felt this was my punishment.

"Please don't cry," his voice sounded choked, like he was holding in his own tears.

I lifted my head and looked up at him, his hand slid off my back and he indeed looked about to cry. "Sorry, I'm being a baby." I furiously wiped at my face and he kneeled beside me.

"Showing emotions doesn't make you weak, it's your weaknesses leaving your body. Let them out." He said softly, blinking away his own salty tears.

"Why are you about to cry, Stocklin?"

He sighed and looked at me, "Because seeing you upset is hard, you don't ever deserve to cry."

My heart both swelled and broke at his words, he was a gem. "I'm sorry, I am."

He shook his head and stood up, "Dont be!"

"What are you still doing here, anyways?" I asked, standing up to grab my keys."

"I came back because I had a weird feeling that you needed help, I don't know I wanted to make sure you were ok. But since I'm here...can I walk you home?" He asked, my heart just burst.

"Where's your car?" I turned he lights off and he headed down my steps in front of me.

"At your apartment, I left it here and walked over." Jesus.